Good morning, afternoon or evening reader! My name is Thomas, and welcome to my blog.

This is where i will be discussing personal development, productivity and anecdotal events in my life, and what i have learnt from them.

Would love you to join on the journey!

🙂

My Life so far…

It is amazing how much you can change once you’ve stepped back from something you have pursued; given everything to make it successful. This blog, my personal document of my stories and the lessons I learnt, was my cathartic method to let how I was feeling out into the world.

As you can probably tell, I haven’t written on here in a while. It is nothing for me to be ashamed of, though I could’ve written a bit quicker, I’ve enjoyed the process of life happening, not everything has to happen on a screen.

So, here are a few things I have learnt during my time off from writing

  • You cannot change the people around you.

I had to learn this the hard way. It was in a situation with my parents. We were discussing a story about something quite powerful concerning subjects such as: race, sexual identification and orientation etc. We did not agree on a few aspects, having the naivety in my mind, I thought I would be able to change how they think so they would think like me. This is an incredible way to get slapped in the face. You cannot change people to think or feel as you do. It is impossible due to the overwhelming individuality that we all feel. In other words, we are all unique. So using passive aggressiveness and derogatory language to make someone feel bad in order to change their mind, is wrong. Life is too short to worry about other people’s thoughts, only worry how you can change your own.

  • Rules sometimes have to be broken.

I learned this quite recently once coming out of quarantine, heading back to work. Recently, one of my friends had become very depressed, to the point of suicide was plaguing their mind. One day ( because we work together) just before we close, they broke down in front of my boss and me. Obviously, with government guidelines, we are not supposed to hug and comfort others; to keep social distance. But, in this scenario, there is no choice. I would rather comfort a dear friend of mine, instead of watching them suffer alone.

  1. You don’t need to be consuming content all the time.

This lesson is only starting to be embedded in my head. With the abundance of content online, it is hard to tell yourself that you should not watch it; or need it. This is my problem with YouTube. After watching it consistently since the site began, and obsession for it began to devolve into a need for content in my life. I began to see the negative effects around me when i saw how it affected my parents when I would ignore them and keep staring at my phone. DO NOT DO THIS. Trust me, this habit is not one you want to form.

  • Before you buy something, assess all the benefits and positives before buying.

Amounting all the stuff I have bought over the years, then compare it to the stuff I actually kept, I have realised how much money I have wasted. The impulsivity that I have in my hand is terrifying. To my knowledge, there are only few things you need to have a comfortable life; technology and the latest gimmick is not one of them. So, assess all the benefits and drawbacks of a purchase before you try to buy it.

  • You shouldn’t try to change anything about yourself to please others.

The most important skill I am beginning to develop is self confidence. In scenarios where I am not the “top dog” or well known, having that self confidence in myself is really important if I am to become more open and begin to believe in myself.

So when you next look at yourself in the mirror, understand that there are always things you need to work on, but changing your personality; forcefully to adhere to others is impossible. Instead, focus on the minor changes that you can do with your habits and attitude towards buying and how you communicate with others. Be loving and caring towards others, but do not forget to love yourself. That is the only way to become the best version of you.

We are incredibly lucky to be alive

This idea has always been around, but have you ever taken the time to really crate what you have?

This idea first popped into my head yesterday. It was a busy day at work, and I was getting stressed that I wasn’t able to do everything I wanted. This included: talking because I hadn’t done a lot of it in quarantine and all the work tasks that needed to be completed. My overwhelming fear and anxiety had stopped me from progressing, in the fear that I would be judged or misinterpreted due to my actions. This disability is present in many people, it can stop us from reaching our full potential.

But then, it hit me. An immeasurable level of gratitude hit my brain. I thought “Wow, I am incredibly lucky to be alive right now.” Out of all the sperm cells and eggs, it was those specific ones that were in the right place, at the right time , to create you. All the events that have occurred in your life, if any single one event was changed, it would change your entire personality; maybe only a bit, or to a large extent.

When you look around at everyone on this planet, no matter their status, we are all lucky to be here. Even through a pandemic, where we have lost many lives and continue to do so, those who are still here are lucky to be here. I think it is time more people realise how incredible this is.

With this revelation, I find myself pushing past those boundaries and doing what scares me the most. Whether that is singing, or telling jokes in front of others, I will do it, because I get to do this. Anxiety and fear begin to subside; they never really go away, but you pay less attention to them than you usually would.

So, remember when you’re feeling low, or need a confidence booster, the fact you are on the planet right now is a blessing in disguise; make the most of it whilst you’re here

YouTube detox

A month on from my last detox, that did not go that well in all honesty. My addiction to the internet, especially YouTube, has began to spike again. I find myself watching endless streams of videos, constantly refreshing my recommended tab; waiting for the next piece to catch my eye.

This has affected my health in ways that I did not know it could. I find that my screen time has increased by a large margin. Though I watch Anime on Crunchyroll, it is not as frequent as the Google site. I am now well aware of my existence, and how I am wasting it, consuming the success of others. I keep telling myself: I am better than this, I can do more. But I am always so hesitant to do so. It is like I need to go on there to be happy.

That isn’t right, I need to find true happiness within myself, not through objects. So, for the next 30 days, YouTube is off the table. I cannot go onto it for any necessary reasons.

It is time to see how strong my self control is.

This Chapter is ending…

This might sound ominous, but I do not want it to sound this way. When I say “this chapter” I am quite literally referring to this point in my life, because many changes are around the corner, and I won’t easily be able to go back to how I am now.

I have done a lot of growing and developmental work upon myself during the time known as “self-isolation and quarantine” and I value what I have been able to get out from it. For example, I discovered who my true friends were; those who stuck in contact with me throughout the coronacrisis ( I think this is a cooler name). It reminded me that I am loved and cared by others in my life, and I don’t need to be so reclusive to others, because I am not alone in life. I used to think so, I used to live in fear of being looked down on, but I don’t think this way anymore. The only opinions that matter to me are my friends, family and myself. If I am doing something that those around me don’t approve of, if I enjoy it ( and it is sensible in retrospect) then go for it.

One of the most important lessons is one of “moments mori” or to ‘remember death’. As morbid as it sounds, it holds me to the mark; to live each day, knowing that death only draws evercloser. It isolates my fear from me, allowing me to do activities I wouldn’t even dream of.

Another key lesson I learned about myself was that I have lied to myself and others a lot in the past. Whether to make myself, or others around me feel better, I had lost touch with the identity that is ‘me’.

Finally, I have learned what I love to do. Helping people, educating others and myself and being loved is things I adore about life. I have never wanted a relationship that much, besides the failures of asking girls out and whatnot. I’m purposely seeking for the woman of my dreams, I don’t know how long it will take us to find each other, but when we do, it will become clear.

Fate will guide everything to clarity, how that happens is on you.

#blacklivesmatter

With what was already going on in the world, the death of George Floyd a few days ago, has added to the spark which is the blacklivesmatter movement. The public resort to riots in situations where they feel ignored, and in this case it is shown. Prejudice and discrimination is highly present in our world still. It is 2020, this should not be happening, it should never have happened in the first place.

We can all wish for it to go away, but that won’t happen without action.

Support the people. There is only one race, the human race.

#blacklivesmatter

Can’t believe we made it. Thanks to everybody for reading, more are on the way!!! – HJT

Stand Up for Yourself

Today was the day i finally did it. I stood up for myself.

So here is just some anonymous backstory.

Back in late September, I had made a mistake. I fell for the wrong girl. I think the correct phrase to use would be a “One Night Stand”. Flashfoward, I did not know how to handle this. Being in a contained environment, I thought it would be easiest to give her and myself some space. This was not the case, as it was interpreted to be an act of selfishness and avoidance, cowardice from tackling the real issue, how was she feeling.

Of course, I later realised this and reacted in the best way I thought possible. I sent her long messages about how sorry I was, conditioning myself into thinking this was all my fault.

That is where the downward spiral started.

I hated myself, I regretted everything that had happened, and yet i tried to put on a brave face. I went home, and confided in family and friends. This was the closest I have come to a Depressive episode, but I have not been diagnosed.

It only occurred to me a couple days ago, that I have been conditioned into thinking that everything was my fault. This isn’t the case. Everybody makes mistakes, but I had taken the responsibility of the whole world on my shoulders. Her friends and her had made me feel completely isolated and hated, misinterpreting the event to be almost criminal, though it was a mutual honest mistake.

So what have I learned, you should ALWAYS stand your ground. No matter the event, no matter the circumstances, make sure your voice is heard. Once I had stood up to her

Unus Annus

So, here it is, the last hour of Unus Annus. If you are unaware of what it is, it is a YouTube Channel created by Markiplier and CrankGamePlays, centred around the idea of death, and memento mori.

The channel was designed to be deleted exactly 365 days since its creation. The have the timer present in every single video, reminding you of how much time is left. Now we have come to the end of the road, exactly an hour left to experience what this channel had to offer.

Now the videos aren’t just “Cooking with sex toys” or getting tased and pepper sprayed, they demonstrated a deeper meaning. We all have a limited time on this earth, with a small amount that we can do in this time. Mark and Ethan have both exemplified that we should cease evey single moment of every day to do what you want in your life.

The end is now here, are you ready? You may not be. No one knows how much time they have left. It is time to let go, remember, celebrate. Go out and live their message: Memento Mori, Unus Annus.

Goals and Dreams

Our goals are important. They are what urges us to get up in the morning; brush our teeth, work out, walk the dog and get to work. Our Dreams play in par with this. We stick to our goals so we can follow our dreams.

I have struggled with my goals and dreams for a long time. I try to set myself a goal, to accomplish a task, but i have never had a clear dream. When i was younger, i thought i was meant to be an electrician, because it was solid money and would make my parents proud. I have wanted to be a psychologist, because I love understanding and helping people, though the idea came from idolising someone else, and what they had accomplished.

Is this a bad thing? No, everyone has people they look up to. Look at the big companies: Apple, Tesla and Microsoft. I would be lying that I have never dreamt I was successful as Tim Cook. But there is a distinct difference between idolising and being inspired by successful figures. Though i will not be implementing Tim’s impressive work ethic, I would implement his dedication and passion for his job. When you love what you are doing, you will be more inspired to continue working. This is not something that hasn’t been said before. Falling in love with your work will help you achieve your goals, consequently achieving your dreams.

But, it is not so cut simple. If your working in a dynamic industry, such as social media, doing the work does not guarantee your success as an “influencer”. You have to adapt, overcome your obstacles and be unique. There is no set process to success. You have to make a commitment and stick to it.

With goals and dreams, it is difficult to complete the goals without the dream. I have struggled with this for a long time now, but I think I have found one.

I want the world to be a better place because I was apart of it Life is a bitter sweet amount of time, our lives are our memories. So if we don’t have memories, then who are we really. Though I am unsure of the right direction for my life to go in, it is fair to say that if I can improve the world, just a little bit, because I was here, my job is done.

My best advice for those without direction or a dream, no matter what age, you will find something that you will fall in love with. There is no direction in life you need to go, there are windy roads that take you down all sorts of paths. But, by making smart decisions, even over little things such as the food you eat, you will find the right roads leading to the right destination.

I won’t let fear hold me back anymore.

So for a bit of context, i am a 18-year-old University student in the UK. I’m studying Psychology, but i have found that i am really bored. I get on with my work, do well in tests, but i am left with all of this free time. I don’t know what to do with it. Usually, i would just go on my phone, and watch YouTube to pass the time, until the end of the day. Due to this, i have been unable to learn what makes me happy, and what i like to do.

I constantly stress about what will make me successful in the future.

I want to be successful, but i always second guess myself. Any decision i make, i will interrogate myself afterwards until the decision is either changed or removed. Just recently i bought myself the new Apple Watch, but my mind will say to me “You don’t deserve this, and it will make you poorer in the future”. There has been an abundance of times where i have sold things because i don’t feel like i deserve them.

This low self-esteem is too toxic, and now i have begun to realise this. I need difference and change in my life if i have any chance at being happy. I am going to leave this time behind me . I have wanted to commit to doing YouTube videos, so why the heck not give it a try?I wanted to improve my art skills, then just do it! Shia Laboeuf does put it very clearly. No more fear for the future, i’ll make a decision and go with it. Life has no time for regrets and drawbacks.

Moving away from Home

The day this happens, is one of the most daunting, exciting and anxiety-inducing that you will experience in your life. When you move out from your home, for the first time, it is a big event.

This happened for me over a month ago, when moving to University. The car was rammed with chopping boards, food and kitchen accessories ( not excluding clothes!). Coming from someone who likes to live with less, i was overwhelmed by how much i was taking with me on this journey. This is a key point: Control your stress. I have this bad habit, when i get overloaded; usually when having things, do not take this out on others. This feeling will pass, but your actions last forever. Though nothing big occurred, it is clear to me now in hindsight, don’t be a dick.

Another key point: Take into consideration how others feel. The day of the move, my parents came down with me to help get everything sorted. My anxiety had never been so high, unfortunately it overtook my mind. I was unable to understand how my parents were feeling about the situation. I thought they would be fine, almost better off without me. This isn’t the case. Understanding how others feel is important to developing as a person, making you more likable.

When it came to saying farewell, it was emotional and hard. I understand that it was necessary for me to just go in and get settled, but i didn’t want to let go. But, the hardest moments is when you know change is needed. In this case, the change was necessary.

Once i had settled in, the situation improved and i felt so much calmer. What i learned from this day was to go for what scares you. Whether this be a lifestyle change, or a new career, if there is an opportunity for you to do something, your gut is telling you but you are being held back by fear, just do it.

Now, that was a mouthful, but seriously try it!

Everybody is on their phones too much

This is a topic that I have been overlooking and observing for the past few months. After a clear example of what I am feeling, it seems poignant that I express my view on my site.

Everybody is on their phones too much.
For example, when I was on a dog walk today, there was two people. One, who was on the phone to their friend whilst walking their dog, ignoring their pet who only wants their attention to through their ball. They were texting just before I saw them, but it was clear that they were hooked on their phone.

Then there is the other person, me. I was walking with my dog; playing fetch and having fun. The other dog came over to play with us, the owner came to get her and apologised for the intrusion, claiming the dog was “annoying”. It is clear to me now where the owner’s care lies, and it is definitely not with the dog.

The realisation of how my generation has increasingly become attached to our phones has stifled me into a new way of life. I used to spend all my time on my phone. Ironically, I am writing this blog post on my phone, but I feel it is right to do so, because there is no alternative.

Our phones are a treasure and a curse. They give us many benefits, but also have the ability to absorb us away from what’s important.

Recently, I’ve stopped plugging music into my ears when I am out and about (besides workouts) and I have found so many benefits. For example, I feel as though I am more in touch with my surroundings, than ever before. I enjoy nature so much now and before I was so glued down to my phone, that I never looked up.

My m

The world is a bit crazy isn’t it?

With the whole world blowing up with all sorts of issues, i thought i would say something about life, to help us through these times.

I have started to think of my life as sort of a video game. Where i am playing as a character (myself) and have to progress through all levels to finish it. I like to think of it this way because i enjoy seeing different events as levels. It makes hopeless scenarios impossible; there are always solutions. It also makes life fun. As i am playing as myself, i realise how much i am in control of my destiny.

I am the only one who can get the “good ending” in my game…

I am starting to feel lonely…

This feeling was inevitable. The long term effects of quarantine and self isolation have shown to increase the feeling of loneliness. Where you feel so isolated in your everyday life, you don’t actively go out to interact with others.

This feeling began to spur within me when I started to notice the interactions I would have with my friends. The majority of the time, it would be me who started the conversations; and made efforts to keep it going. Upon my time offline, a very small amount of people had tried to communicate with me, whereas others ;who I had been speaking to for a while, tried nothing. It was a dissatisfied feeling, but I began to negotiate within myself why some may not have tried to contact. They may of had an incident happen in their life where priorities were changed, or something of more importance. It sounds like a childish excuse, but that is what I am; a 17 year old stuck at home in quarantine.

I have always struggled to make friends; to be consistent in connection with another is incredibly difficult for me to do, because I neglected my self-love for myself. I did not see myself as worthy of having friends, because I thought of myself as a horrible person. Now, after a lot of self development work, I am trying to change that opinion.

Anyway, back to my story. The global pandemic which we all are aware of has changed the lives of many. But, one of the key contenders in change has been the rise in psychological health issues. It isn’t surprising, when you’re stuck inside all the time, all you have is your thoughts as your comfort.

So, I have began to turn to the work of stoicism, in particular the message of controlling your emotions. If you let your emotions take hold of you, it is difficult to be logical and focussed. But, if you are aware of how you are feeling and control this, then you will be able to distribute your feelings in a comprehensible way for others (But, it is still a good idea to release your emotions once in a while).

What do I mean by this? Accept how you feel and do something about it. Don’t be irrational, take control and take action.

What will I do from now on?

Stop second guessing myself

Start to communicate with my friends how I feel

Begin to accept that I cannot change anyone

Understand that I am in control of my own life, and I can change myself into the best version possible

Have a great day! 🙂