This might sound ominous, but I do not want it to sound this way. When I say “this chapter” I am quite literally referring to this point in my life, because many changes are around the corner, and I won’t easily be able to go back to how I am now.
I have done a lot of growing and developmental work upon myself during the time known as “self-isolation and quarantine” and I value what I have been able to get out from it. For example, I discovered who my true friends were; those who stuck in contact with me throughout the coronacrisis ( I think this is a cooler name). It reminded me that I am loved and cared by others in my life, and I don’t need to be so reclusive to others, because I am not alone in life. I used to think so, I used to live in fear of being looked down on, but I don’t think this way anymore. The only opinions that matter to me are my friends, family and myself. If I am doing something that those around me don’t approve of, if I enjoy it ( and it is sensible in retrospect) then go for it.
One of the most important lessons is one of “moments mori” or to ‘remember death’. As morbid as it sounds, it holds me to the mark; to live each day, knowing that death only draws evercloser. It isolates my fear from me, allowing me to do activities I wouldn’t even dream of.
Another key lesson I learned about myself was that I have lied to myself and others a lot in the past. Whether to make myself, or others around me feel better, I had lost touch with the identity that is ‘me’.
Finally, I have learned what I love to do. Helping people, educating others and myself and being loved is things I adore about life. I have never wanted a relationship that much, besides the failures of asking girls out and whatnot. I’m purposely seeking for the woman of my dreams, I don’t know how long it will take us to find each other, but when we do, it will become clear.
Fate will guide everything to clarity, how that happens is on you.