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Testing positive for COVID

So today I recieved my positive covid result by text after doing a test this morning. i cannot lie, that I feel a bit scared and a bit lonely.

Obviously, with the new isolation rules, my university housemates are able to leave home and can do whatever they please, so long that they are negative. For me, I just have to stay inside for five days and test negative on the sixth.

It is strange, I never thought I would actually get the virus, because of how safe I have been. i always wear my mask and I test every week.

Until I went to the club this week. I was only testing so I could see my Grandfather this week by pcr, so I was surprised to find out I was positive. It explains the tiredness and lack of scent and taste.

Luckily I am surrounded by good people, who would support me even when I am feeling as low as I am now. I feel guilty that i have put a burden on them, but glad they are still able to do what they need to do.

This is when I would say the message of the story, but there is not one. Just be a decent human being and be honest. Right now I may feel grim, but I am grateful to be alive!

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Who Cares?

This is a notion which I like to keep with me now, in whatever I am pursuing in my life. Recently, this came to light when there was drama in the YouTube community concerning branding in the beauty community. I am all for ousting people who do the wrong thing, especially any mental or physical abuse. When it comes to the cancel culture of the internet, it is so powerful that it sometimes works too quickly, or too hard in some cases; destroying the careers of people who really had not done anything wrong.

I think nowadays, our society is not willing to have a conversation. With highly inexcusable acts, such as racism, homophobia and sexism to name a few, there is no discussion to be had. But when it comes to the smaller, personal topics between individuals, it seems to be a case of “I am right and you are wrong, but I don’t want to hear what you want to say”.

I understand, people feel extremely threatened when they are found to be wrong, or expose themselves to the possibility of being wrong. But, being wrong is flipping cool. Not only do you get to learn something, but you also learn a little more about yourself in the meantime; what is more valuable than that?

But, the things we seem to care about are the most meaningless. When I used to use Facebook I would complain about what everybody else is doing; judging them for their every move. But one day I stopped myself an asked “Why do I care about this?”. I purposely choose to act the way I act, which means I hold all of the power.

So, the next time you ask a question, or are hesitant about making a decision, don’t care about what everyone else will think. I was going to google “Should I buy a Samsung or iPhone” but then I thought “Who cares?” and I should just buy the one that will make you happy.

With the small things that matter to you, and the some of the large things, focus on YOU. Stop paying attention to everyone else.

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I don’t want to be spoiled anymore.

I am aware that I have posted about this before, but with the release of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier, I have begun to release, in so many ways, that I no longer, want to be spoiled for experiences.

When you buy a book, you do not usually look up the ending online before you read the first page. Though some may argue that ” it is all about the experience of writing the book, instead of the actual story”, unfortunately for me honey, I read my books to get lost in a new world.

I think we all pay too much attention to what everybody else is doing, whether that is due to FOMO (fear of missing out) or conditioned sheep-like behaviour to follow what everybody else wants; thinking that is your own want. This may be a tangent, but when I see people on YouTube, basically telling you to change your life to act a certain way, I think to myself “who gives you the right to tell anyone anyway how to live their life other than themselves”. In extreme circumstances, of course it would be stupid not to utilise your influence to spread a positive message, but this constant ordering over others had become negative and annoying.

That is only if you let it become that.

We are all so bothered by what everybody else is doing, that we lose sight of what our actual lives entail. Right now, I am listening to WhiteNoise whilst my dogs look at me; begging to go on a dog walk. Instead of focussing on MY present moment, I focus on the rest of the world, such as how others are reacting to a show on Disney Plus that is just a show, or a prediction on how the series will end. I truly believe now, that going into things blind is one of the most treasured and thrilling attitudes to have. Knowing so much about pop culture community in the past can lead to expectations underwhelmed and predictions of the plot.

In many ways, I believe that individuals should be more selfish with their own personal wants. If everyone is getting the iPhone, but you really like that Samsung, then get the Samsung. You can like what you like; without choosing to care about what everyone else thinks. I understand in many situations across the globe, this can be hard or nearly impossible, but I employ you to stick to your own values as much as you can.

If you don’t, the question is asked of who is living your life; you or others

Anyway, that is my long way of saying that my friend from school? I understand why you watch things blindly, it is so much fun.

Live your life for you, not others.

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Saying Goodbye

This is one of the toughest things that humans have to go through in their everyday life. Might it be to a significant other, or a job, it does not get any easier.

But sometimes, there is an appropriate time to say goodbye.

Recently, I have been playing through all of the Pokemon games again. As the fellow reader would know, I have always been attached to the franchise. I played every game, collected the cards, and enjoyed the music. It was my thing.

Then, I went to secondary school, and I started to distance myself from it unintentionally. I still kept up to date with the news, but I was not as interested as before.

Last year, it once again reaffirmed itself as important to me. It felt like a piece of me that I had been missing in my life.

So I bought all the games.

I learned the hard way that if you try to relive your nostalgia from a child, it can be incredibly saddening. Once you realise that the young you, who loved these games cannot return because you have already played them, it is sad, and can leave the games with a completionism facade.

I played the games, but did I enjoy them?

I realised this today, once completing the last game. I felt a wave of grief and sadness, that I had not explored when I was younger. The cost of growing up is that sometimes, the young child must stay with his games. I will always love the games, I don’t want to invest myself so much in just playing for the sake of it, because then I will hate it.

I will return to the franchise once I lose the no-fun-completionist attitude.

For now, I have to put the game back in its box.

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Losing your school friends.

I think this is an inevitable part of growing up. Friends that you were once incredibly close with, begin to drift apart as opportunities, life experiences and emotions create an invisible wall between each other; impossible to break down with big changes to both your lifestyles.

I am writing about this, not because I have lost all of my school friends, but as I progress through my life, new friends arise, which start to be my main priority friend group; I see them all the time. The group that I once spent every day of every month has become a blur, as we all go down our own life’s journey; exploring where it will take us.

The pandemic did increase the tenacity of the seperation. Unless you make significant effort to stay in touch, it can be hard once you realise that you are drifting. Just remember that friendship is two sided; both must make the effort for it to exist.

Though our lives are no longer intertwined, I am okay with the idea of starting a new adventure. I will always be grateful for the moments I shared with those people; laughing, crying and singing our hearts out. The beauty of life is not because it lasts, but because it ends, making it precious.

Maybe, our paths will cross again in the future, but for now I am happy with change.

(I may have pulled a line from Avengers: Age of Ultron, but which one??).

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We are our Memories

When I was writing in my journal this morning, an interesting thought came up that I have not recognised before.

On my laptop, there were files from when I was in school. My School Parliament documents, economics power points, and even some maths homework. It looked like my whole adolescent education experience had been saved and documented on my laptop. It was baffling, because I had not realised how much I had saved over the years.

Going through those files, felt as though I was looking back on my own life. In some of those transcripts, and action points from meetings, I could tell how much I did not want to do it. I could tell how I was feeling just through a few sentences on a screen. This was scary, but it was helpful to reconcile my position in the world today.

I think I have done a lot of growing up; as naive as it sounds. I would not be where I am today, without the struggle, the uncomfortableness and for the friends who believed in me. Like for everyone, I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be; we are always changing in life.

The message that can be gathered from this experience is it is okay to let go of your past. I did not realise how much I was holding on to the Secondary school life that I once had. Sometimes, I would wish to be transported back in time to those academic years; just to live out one more day.

The truth is, I can’t do that. I don’t think I would want to anymore because it would be too sad, and it shaped me at the time, but not now.

We are our own memories, it is good to write them down in a journal, or on a computer, because memories help create our identity.

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Never Give Up

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If you have an ideal you are pursuing, or are stuck on an assignment that you think will never end, I want to offer some advice.

A little hint, it is the title.

Seen it before? Almost all the entire earth’s population could say they have heard some iteration of this; to never give into the easy way of living. When the going gets tough, you must get tougher. But, when I say this to you, I do not aim to be perceived as another person, I tell this to you with the full confidence that you won’t give up.

To have someone tell you to never give up, it means that you have had some difficulty pursuing your desire. I may not know your situation, but what I know is your are smart enough to evaluate your current actions. This requires wisdom, which means you can complete your task, you just have to think of an alternative way to do it.

There are always different methods to achieve your goals, just because one way does not work, doesn’t make it impossible. We adapt and overcome to get what we desire.

We never give up. Once all methods are used, then is the time for another evaluation.

Keep going, to the very end

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Start trying the things you want to do.

This can be extremely difficult, to abandon all you know and start a brand new journey down an unfamiliar road. You may be alone, or isolated on your beliefs and desires compared to your family and friends. However my friends, we have one commonality; we will be going down this road together.

I have always been fascinated by content creation and sharing my experiences. Since I was incredibly young, I have watched YouTube for over a year’s worth of content. This has started to mess with me, my progress in my life and my happiness. It is one thing to watch others being happy, but what about your own?

So, I am starting to make content on the internet, just small stuff here and there to make myself a bit happier. Due to my addiction, I have decided to take a 30-day detox from the site. Though I have discussed this on the blog before, I was a lot less committed and disciplined to follow through, this time I am.

Even if, doing your favourite thing takes up a bit of your time, you can structure your day. It is difficult to have a change of schedule, but you will be more motivated to complete your mundane tasks, so you can focus on the bigger, exciting hobbies that you love.

Most people would tell you it’s easy; just get started. I know it is difficult. Once you get going, you will be in a flow state, being able to accomplish more than you thought.

So, let’s do it.

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Remember to Live

I wanted to tell all of you about the meaning of this phrase in a bit more detail, mainly what it means to me.

For the majority of my childhood, i have felt as though I have wasted my time. I preferred being inside, couped up in my bedroom online; not talking to anyone, only listening to others. By no means was it was because of a tough childhood, I just wanted to escape from reality. So I would spend, every moment of my day, watching what others had created, not realising how fast has passed me by. One minute I’m 13, watching YouTube on my Mum’s computer, now I’m 18 and I am doing that in my room. When I reflect on the timeline here, what has truly changed within me?

There is one thing, I have learned to love myself.

It’s like Marmite, you either love it or hate it; same with the phrase above. I am slowly learning how my time spent on irrelevant topics has consumed my life. I’ve probably spent more time online, than I have speaking to my parents, and that isn’t right. I should clarify, when I say online, I mean being isolated, just viewing, not communicating with others.

But, I have learned to appreciate myself just that bit more. I realise now that I should not do this to myself, and instead start pursuing something where I actively speak to others. There is a quote, that I always try to remember. “It’s good to remember death, but what is more important is remember to Live”.

I think that is something we should all account for in our lives. Remember to live, and not let life live without you in it. Disengagement is easy, but it is the worst place to be.

Live ❤

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Growing Up

I may have touched on this topic before, But this evening I have realised the sad truth that I cannot act how I used to.

By now, my fellow readers would realise that I, like many of you, have been addicted to the Internet for all my life. I would spend hours online, watching and reading a whole load of bogus. This has amounted to my mind being filled with unecessary information that I do not require. It’s the sad truth, but do I really need to know a rumour that Jeffree Star slept with Kanye West? No, I didn’t think so.

This realisation means we have to cut the “fun” out of our lives, but instead, we have to moderate it. I have dreams and goals that I have not been pursuing to the maximum. That makes me sad, because I am wasting my time, and my life.

There is so much of life that I haven’t got to see yet. So many people and destinations I want to go to. I’m worried if I spend my life just stuck where I am now, nothing will change.

It’s funny. We spend so much time viewing others living the life we want to live, yet we don’t pursue it for ourselves. That is something I want to do from now. At the most heinous route, this careless attitude I have had is an act against self-love.

This is something everybody should focus on. If you do not love yourself and take care of yourself, then how can you expect yourself to take care of others?

Control yourself when it comes to acts of immediate pleasure which delegate away from the right decision. There is only so much our bodies and minds can endure before a total breakdown. As a collective and individual, we must get atop that.

Finally, on this post, I wanted to remind you all that I, am not perfect. I use this blog to explain my flaws and actions to combat them. There is the possibility that this mindset may fail, or I may slip up. That is fine, and it should not get you down, if this happens to you. I want us all to participate in a challenge I will be starting. It’s called “Deep Thought”.

For the next 30 days, I would like everyone to do these things:

  1. Find a time for mindfulness practice for at least 15 minutes
  2. Use this time to figure out what is the best action you should take next, write it down.
  3. When you come across a junction, think what is the best thing for my mind and body, choose that option. DO NOT GO FOR THE EASY OPTION!

Good luck ! 🙂

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Onwards and Upwards!

I am back! This time better than ever.

I do feel a bit of guilt for abandoning this blog, but I found it was the right thing to do since all that has been happening over the past few weeks.

So, I have been studying at my university for my assignments that were due in just before Christmas. They have been lots of hard work, but I have found them to be rewarding once you hit the ” Submit” button. Before, back in Secondary school, I would not care as much when it came to homework and tasks. I would do them as soon as I got them yes, but I would not soak in the information from the tasks to apply this to my understanding. This made them pointless.

This is one of the first things i have begun to comprehend, is to Engage with your work. What i mean by this is to not only complete your homework, or tasks, but to consider “What is this telling me?”.

Let’s say for example, you are doing a maths question, focussed around pythagoras’ theorem. You answer the question. Done, easy peasy and off to relax-town. But, if you asked yourself what it was teaching you, it would become clear the task was showing you when to use it, on right-angled triangles only!

Besides the maths lesson, looking at the bigger picture should always be at the forefront of your mind. Not to the point where you overthink life entirely, but enough for you to learn the reasoning behind certain actions and tasks.

In social situations, the ‘bigger’ picture concerns the “Why” in people’s behaviour. For example, I was driving on the dual carriageway recently, and this woman was constantly beeping at me. I was driving at 70, and was following the road rules, but I couldn’t understand why she was beeping. I could easily get angry and try to react, but I thought to myself, I don’t know this woman, something may have happened in her life to make her act this way. People should be treated the way they wish to be treated, but if others fail to meet that criteria, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t either.

Anyway, thanks for stopping by, remember I’m not a guru.

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Hey!

Good morning, afternoon or evening reader! My name is Thomas, and welcome to my blog.

This is where i will be discussing personal development, productivity and anecdotal events in my life, and what i have learnt from them.

Would love you to join on the journey!

🙂

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My Life so far…

It is amazing how much you can change once you’ve stepped back from something you have pursued; given everything to make it successful. This blog, my personal document of my stories and the lessons I learnt, was my cathartic method to let how I was feeling out into the world.

As you can probably tell, I haven’t written on here in a while. It is nothing for me to be ashamed of, though I could’ve written a bit quicker, I’ve enjoyed the process of life happening, not everything has to happen on a screen.

So, here are a few things I have learnt during my time off from writing

  • You cannot change the people around you.

I had to learn this the hard way. It was in a situation with my parents. We were discussing a story about something quite powerful concerning subjects such as: race, sexual identification and orientation etc. We did not agree on a few aspects, having the naivety in my mind, I thought I would be able to change how they think so they would think like me. This is an incredible way to get slapped in the face. You cannot change people to think or feel as you do. It is impossible due to the overwhelming individuality that we all feel. In other words, we are all unique. So using passive aggressiveness and derogatory language to make someone feel bad in order to change their mind, is wrong. Life is too short to worry about other people’s thoughts, only worry how you can change your own.

  • Rules sometimes have to be broken.

I learned this quite recently once coming out of quarantine, heading back to work. Recently, one of my friends had become very depressed, to the point of suicide was plaguing their mind. One day ( because we work together) just before we close, they broke down in front of my boss and me. Obviously, with government guidelines, we are not supposed to hug and comfort others; to keep social distance. But, in this scenario, there is no choice. I would rather comfort a dear friend of mine, instead of watching them suffer alone.

  1. You don’t need to be consuming content all the time.

This lesson is only starting to be embedded in my head. With the abundance of content online, it is hard to tell yourself that you should not watch it; or need it. This is my problem with YouTube. After watching it consistently since the site began, and obsession for it began to devolve into a need for content in my life. I began to see the negative effects around me when i saw how it affected my parents when I would ignore them and keep staring at my phone. DO NOT DO THIS. Trust me, this habit is not one you want to form.

  • Before you buy something, assess all the benefits and positives before buying.

Amounting all the stuff I have bought over the years, then compare it to the stuff I actually kept, I have realised how much money I have wasted. The impulsivity that I have in my hand is terrifying. To my knowledge, there are only few things you need to have a comfortable life; technology and the latest gimmick is not one of them. So, assess all the benefits and drawbacks of a purchase before you try to buy it.

  • You shouldn’t try to change anything about yourself to please others.

The most important skill I am beginning to develop is self confidence. In scenarios where I am not the “top dog” or well known, having that self confidence in myself is really important if I am to become more open and begin to believe in myself.

So when you next look at yourself in the mirror, understand that there are always things you need to work on, but changing your personality; forcefully to adhere to others is impossible. Instead, focus on the minor changes that you can do with your habits and attitude towards buying and how you communicate with others. Be loving and caring towards others, but do not forget to love yourself. That is the only way to become the best version of you.

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We are incredibly lucky to be alive

This idea has always been around, but have you ever taken the time to really crate what you have?

This idea first popped into my head yesterday. It was a busy day at work, and I was getting stressed that I wasn’t able to do everything I wanted. This included: talking because I hadn’t done a lot of it in quarantine and all the work tasks that needed to be completed. My overwhelming fear and anxiety had stopped me from progressing, in the fear that I would be judged or misinterpreted due to my actions. This disability is present in many people, it can stop us from reaching our full potential.

But then, it hit me. An immeasurable level of gratitude hit my brain. I thought “Wow, I am incredibly lucky to be alive right now.” Out of all the sperm cells and eggs, it was those specific ones that were in the right place, at the right time , to create you. All the events that have occurred in your life, if any single one event was changed, it would change your entire personality; maybe only a bit, or to a large extent.

When you look around at everyone on this planet, no matter their status, we are all lucky to be here. Even through a pandemic, where we have lost many lives and continue to do so, those who are still here are lucky to be here. I think it is time more people realise how incredible this is.

With this revelation, I find myself pushing past those boundaries and doing what scares me the most. Whether that is singing, or telling jokes in front of others, I will do it, because I get to do this. Anxiety and fear begin to subside; they never really go away, but you pay less attention to them than you usually would.

So, remember when you’re feeling low, or need a confidence booster, the fact you are on the planet right now is a blessing in disguise; make the most of it whilst you’re here

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YouTube detox

A month on from my last detox, that did not go that well in all honesty. My addiction to the internet, especially YouTube, has began to spike again. I find myself watching endless streams of videos, constantly refreshing my recommended tab; waiting for the next piece to catch my eye.

This has affected my health in ways that I did not know it could. I find that my screen time has increased by a large margin. Though I watch Anime on Crunchyroll, it is not as frequent as the Google site. I am now well aware of my existence, and how I am wasting it, consuming the success of others. I keep telling myself: I am better than this, I can do more. But I am always so hesitant to do so. It is like I need to go on there to be happy.

That isn’t right, I need to find true happiness within myself, not through objects. So, for the next 30 days, YouTube is off the table. I cannot go onto it for any necessary reasons.

It is time to see how strong my self control is.

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This Chapter is ending…

This might sound ominous, but I do not want it to sound this way. When I say “this chapter” I am quite literally referring to this point in my life, because many changes are around the corner, and I won’t easily be able to go back to how I am now.

I have done a lot of growing and developmental work upon myself during the time known as “self-isolation and quarantine” and I value what I have been able to get out from it. For example, I discovered who my true friends were; those who stuck in contact with me throughout the coronacrisis ( I think this is a cooler name). It reminded me that I am loved and cared by others in my life, and I don’t need to be so reclusive to others, because I am not alone in life. I used to think so, I used to live in fear of being looked down on, but I don’t think this way anymore. The only opinions that matter to me are my friends, family and myself. If I am doing something that those around me don’t approve of, if I enjoy it ( and it is sensible in retrospect) then go for it.

One of the most important lessons is one of “moments mori” or to ‘remember death’. As morbid as it sounds, it holds me to the mark; to live each day, knowing that death only draws evercloser. It isolates my fear from me, allowing me to do activities I wouldn’t even dream of.

Another key lesson I learned about myself was that I have lied to myself and others a lot in the past. Whether to make myself, or others around me feel better, I had lost touch with the identity that is ‘me’.

Finally, I have learned what I love to do. Helping people, educating others and myself and being loved is things I adore about life. I have never wanted a relationship that much, besides the failures of asking girls out and whatnot. I’m purposely seeking for the woman of my dreams, I don’t know how long it will take us to find each other, but when we do, it will become clear.

Fate will guide everything to clarity, how that happens is on you.

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#blacklivesmatter

With what was already going on in the world, the death of George Floyd a few days ago, has added to the spark which is the blacklivesmatter movement. The public resort to riots in situations where they feel ignored, and in this case it is shown. Prejudice and discrimination is highly present in our world still. It is 2020, this should not be happening, it should never have happened in the first place.

We can all wish for it to go away, but that won’t happen without action.

Support the people. There is only one race, the human race.

#blacklivesmatter

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100 posts!!

Can’t believe we made it. Thanks to everybody for reading, more are on the way!!! – HJT

Final Year Uni So far…

Hi. So I am currently in my final year of University studying Psychology, and I have a few remarks about how the course has been going over the past three years.
Psychology is like a wasp sting. You get pricked by it, and for a short while (1 year), it is unnoticeable; you cannot feel the sting. Then, it all comes at once, bringing all the misery and pain simultaneously. What I will be writing is quite biased as I do not intend to pursue a career in Psychology, so my views will be quite different.
When coming to University, I would (and still) use the excuse that I chose the topic as a backup option, as it was during the COVID lockdown. I didn’t know how long the pandemic would be, and I was too afraid to relax and do nothing, so I took a gamble. It all stemmed from what I filled my brain with. When I used to watch Smosh, an actor there – Shayne Topp, would talk about psychology and how fascinating it was. Now, as the impressionable, yearning-for-a-male-role-model I am, I wanted to study it so I could inadvertently be like Shayne. It is good to have models, but modelling your career choices will not make you like them. You effectively lie to yourself to tell others that this is who you are when the real you is on the moon in your mind’s world.
1st year was a breeze but incredibly dull. There were many instances when I wanted to drop out, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to be the version of myself that gave up. This nature crept into my personality and daily actions in my final year. To write this blog post, I did not attend a workshop. I signed up to participate because of how accessible all University information is online. The powerpoints and videos are all within my reach on the wide web; why should I attend these workshops? One might argue, “it is the lecturer’s advice on how to do things best for your course”, which I agree with to an extent. The other side of the argument is that these lecturers are paid to be present for a set number of hours per week on campus, meaning they stretch content out for as long as they want, and students have to consume it.
Makes sense? It is what we pay for, after all. But I don’t want to waste my final year here anymore. It is already November; our student house has the Christmas tree up. Time is moving so fast, and I want these three years to mean something.
So, what do I choose them to mean? I want these years to be an example to myself in the future that I do my best and that sometimes my way is better. There’s a song by Frank Sinatra that encapsulates it (My Way).

I’ll keep this updated weekly on how final year is going.
Stay Safe
Tom

No more.

Up until the age of seven, my family was damaged and struggling with having an alcoholic father and a loving, kind mother who was just trying to keep the peace by directing all the verbal abuse onto herself. Then, my sister and I were left oblivious (my sister knew more, she was older) to the foreseeable destruction of my idealistic family in the close future.

This was not just because I was younger, though that played a large contributing part, it was the fundamental actions i would take, subconsciously every day, to avoid the pain that I was experiencing.

This was through playing video games and watching videos on YouTube to pass the time.

After my parents’ divorce, I thought I had moved past all of this, I didn’t develop a necessity to endulge myself in online entertainment to get me through the day, no way! You can probably tell, this was not the case.

I was trapped, and I didn’t realise this was a problem until I was older. It happened in 2021, where I was in my room, watching who-knows-what and it suddenly came to me. I had wasted so much of my life already just watching other people’s success and happiness occur. I would digitally lynch off their happiness, vicariously living through them a life that I didn’t believe I would get to experience. It isn’t to say that now I am successful and wealthy, I am still a University student who works at a supermarket to pay the rent, but my mindset has changed.

I have developed a belief that I am what controls my limits in life. Henry Ford once wrote “The man who thinks he can, and the man who thinks he can’t, are both right” and this quote just resonates with me now. After recovering from COVID; being locked away in my room, I realised I don’t want to live the life of a bum, and have my life be equivalent to a watch history page on YouTube. These pages are so easily deleted, and if my life is equivalent to that, then what am I doing with my time. I want to contribute to something in the world, even if I help someone else achieve their dreams.

I know I can do it, and you know you can do it too, so stop holding yourself back. We can all be better than the people we were yesterday, don’t let things get in the way of that.

Midnight

I am writing this at 1 AM in the morning, on a brisk Saturday morning. It has been almost a year since I have written on this blog, and my what has changed. We have experienced another lockdown/ quarantine, and the world have realised that Downing Street do lots of parties in pandemics. WordPress has missed me so much they initiated the introductory session where they show you their features in order to sell their subscription – I have been writing on here for almost 4 years, I think I understand!

One of my ultimate goals now in my life is to welcome love and always experience honesty, those are the two easiest things we should allow ourselves to do. Instead of cowering behind fibs and turning the way the opportunity of a future with someone, I want to be in this world.

So, right now it is 1:04 AM, the girls in my house have gone out to a party, which I would have joined them on, if not for the fact that A) I am tired and B) I have work in 11 hours. Come to think of it, that is not too bad, maybe i should have – stop. There is an important divide between you regretting and you disregarding your capabilities, especially if it is for the wrong reason. If you are going to have fun, and you feel as though you will be able to walk home afterwards and work for 6 hours straight, then fine. But if it is the opposite, maybe you shouldn’t.

It is now 1:08 in the morning, I am starting to feel about what I am going to do in the morning to prepare myself for the day ahead. I have been lucky enough to incorporate a morning run into my routine, yet if I wake up late, I won’t be able to do this.

Even now, the paragraphs are getting shorter as the night trickles more and more into the pinacol of its grace, making me sleepy.

I will put a proper piece up about what I have been doing this week. I hope all who is listening is ready.

It is now 3AM, my friends have come back from their party, and I have cleaned up the mess.

One of my friends was throwing up due to the overconsumption of alcohol. The thing is, I kept being told that I should go to sleep, but I think the wanting to look after others when they feel rubbish overpowers the need for sleep… This is especially the case when you yourself have not being drinking.

Black Friday

I may be early on the topic of Black Friday; this capitalist, American holiday encouraging people to spend their money on products that have a reduced price; but this is only because I noticed a certain sentence whilst scrolling on a website.

If you don’t know who Martin Lewis is, he specialises in personal finance and economics, producing television shows and websites on how to save you money. I had been browsing his website (www.moneysavingexpert.com) looking for the best place to buy a new computer. As I reached the end of the page explaining the deals, this sentence was written:

“Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the Black Friday hype, and only ever buy what you need and can afford.”

Now, before you click away after realising “wait this is common sense”, allow me to explain.

No matter who you are, everyone has impulses, it is genetic (Bevilacqua & Goldman, 2013). There is nothing quite like finding a good deal for a product, only because our materialistic society has instructed us of its importance. From my experience, it is shocking how easily I can fall into the trap of buying something new because I “believe” I need it or “once I get this, I’ll be happy”.

News flash for the world! Products should not be the source of happiness. One might argue the example of video games being a source of happiness, but I can counteract it with it being the experience of the game itself not the console. There are many ways the statement aforementioned can be dissected, but the main point from it is if you are purchasing a product for the sole reason that it is the only thing that will make you happy is wrong.

From this sentence on this money saving site, I can understand my urges a bit more. The only reason I was looking into getting a new computer was because I thought it would make me happy. I would watch videos on Youtube, saying how “the M1 Macbook Air is the best laptop around and an essential for students”. This would be woven into my consumeristic brain that the laptop will make me a 1st Grade University student, when in actual sense, I just needed to put in the work.

To conclude, it is important to write down, truthfully, why you need to make this purchase. A brief mental note helps as well. It will help stop and control the impulsive behaviours we instinctively all have.

Good luck my friends!

Bevilacqua, L., & Goldman, D. (2013). Genetics of impulsive behaviour. Philosophical Transactions Of The Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 368(1615), 20120380. doi: 10.1098/rstb.2012.0380

The is no one else you should rather be than yourself.

That title? It is the one thing that is helping me understand how I should treat myself, especially since what I have learned in the past few weeks.

Truthfully I have not been honest with you, I have been appearing like a guru in these blog posts, as if I have the key information that will unlock the universe before me, but that is not me, it is a role that I play to appeal to an audience; you.

Recently, I have exhausted myself on trying to act positively for other people; being the perfect version of myself in the situation presented, so whoever else is there will like me. Consequently, I became lost in my sense of self. “If I am all these different people to everyone else, then who am I to me?”. This statement can be interpreted as quite preachy, anyone who would give advice would say “don’t overthink it”. I think I have said this advice before on this blog.

The world isn’t black and white, overthinking is not something you can switch off; it is a habit. These habits, like any, are reinforced and can be constantly present.

What I am saying here is, we all need to stop trying to appeal to others. Though it is expected of us, as we are social creatures, it is also exhausting and fruitless.

The right people will come, but you won’t need to change your entire personality just to have a chance at forming any relationship with them.

I will no longer be lazy

It is easy enough for all of us to fall into, the same pattern of doing exactly what our urges want, which may provide us instant gratification or relaxation (such as social media).

More often than not, I find myself dealing with negativity towards my self worth, self inflicted by my own selfish habits and tendencies (lots of self there!).

This is a short post to affirm that however long it takes, I will change this preference to be lazy to doing something beneficial for my health. I will keep you updated on what I accomplish.

If you would like to follow along, let me know!

Birthday reflection

Yesterday was my birthday, and I wanted to share some things that I will be taking with me into the future.

1: Stop trying to be friendly to everyone

I think this will be something that lots of people can relate to; we are all too “vanilla” to others. This is usually to avoid confrontation, so instead of discussing a possible disagreement, we keep our opinions to ourselves. There is a problem which is created here, everyone begins to believe their opinion is right and everyone else is wrong. If no one will disagree, and everyone surrounding you are “yes-menning”, then your ego will increase, which can be dangerous especially when you have no idea what you are talking about.

Also, something I have learned, actually through my boss, is trying to be nice to everyone, besides the people that truly matter, is pointless. There is the golden rule taught throughout all studies of Christianity “treat others how you wish to be treated”. By that logic, I began to ask myself, do I really want everyone to treat me as their friend? No, that would be overwhelmingly stressful!

Working in a customer serving environment, it is important to be nice to customers (obviously) but you do not have to go the extra mile every time. Only a small amount of people will reciprocate with gratitude; they are the people who matter.

So to sum this up, stop being so nice to everyone, they are not all worth your time. Understand who is truly important in your life, they are who you should focus on.

Remember, nobody likes a yes-man, be honest with people, it is one of the ways to filter down towards those who are important.

2) Instant gratification and too much relaxation is affecting your brain, stop it.

After coming back from work, the habitual process of sitting down and doing nothing is a redundancy, a waste of time. Spending your time more wisely will increase your capacity to do more things at a higher standard than others. Over this beginning of self development, YouTube has become something associated with procrastination, it is true, all of social media is!

Put your mind to projects, that lead to results, that is the only way to grow.

3) Stop giving a shit about things (overthinking)

The day is done, the year is done, you don’t need to be worrying about something you have already done, you cannot change it, it is a part of your origin, your life. Don’t overthink unnecessarily, just do.

4) You don’t need to portray a story to everyone

Keep some things to yourself, simplify your life as it won’t do you any good having lots of people knowing your life story, especially if you’re not making money.

5) Believe in yourself

Recognize your worth, you are amazing!

Anyway happy birthday me for yesterday, have a great day y’all

How to be more intentional with your time.

Plan: Intro, the issue, what i will do, 1 plan your day, 2 have an accountability partner, 3 be disciplined, realize when it is okay to relax

As you have all seen throughout the duration of this blog’s life, I like to use my platform as reminders to myself and others on how to be better. Today’s task is centered around improving your intentions.

The usual routine of an adult’s day is to: wake up, shower, maybe walk the dogs and have breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner , watch tv and go to bed. This seems pretty standard, but at least for me, I have the feeling that this time where I am not doing anything could be used more practically for pursuing my interests.

A power that social media has upon individuals is the ability to nullify passion and drive. Mindlessly scrolling on a screen is like a dementor; it sucks the life out of you to the point where you forget your own meaning other than to endlessly scroll.

You basically become robotic, consuming media and applying it to the only area of your mind which is accessible, your insecurities. The horrific thing is, our automatic, habitual tendency to pull out our phone is becoming our downfall for this bad behaviour, which ultimately we inflict on ourselves.

One solution to begin to make your time intentional is to delete the applications which can suck your time up. This makes them impossible to access without redownloading it, and according to the 20 second rule, if you’re really disciplined, you are unlikely to follow through.

Alternatively, if you can’t just delete the apps, you can always use screen restrictions, such as Apple’s Screen time rules or Android’s Digital Wellbeing. Unlike the redownloading, the only obstacle between you and the app is a passcode which unlocks the app, though with Apple focusing on containing this, it is unlikely to remain this easy.

Having an extra pair of hands can help stimulate better intentionality in your life. For example, I let my mum know what I am getting up to, just so I am more likely to stay focused and determined if someone is reminding me what I should be doing.

Finally, you may think you have to be extremely disciplined, the reality is if you plan your day, not down to the specifics (like 20:30- 20:34 dinner) then you are still likely to be disciplined enough to do what you need to do. Setting boundaries on technology and having someone look out for you are key, resulting in a disciplined personality trait developing. That is how to be more intentional.

Thank you for reading!

How to change your mindset

Over the past few days, I began to consolidate with myself, almost like a pep talk, on how we are going in our life, where we can improve, and what may be causing us issues. One of the areas that I was struggling with was that I was constantly tired. At first I thought it was because of what I was eating, though I remembered that my family doesn’t consume the same heavy amount of carbohydrates as we use to, but still a substantial amount.

This tiredness puzzled me for a few days, but after a while I realised what the problem was.

I had been associating my entire life as a chore, work that I had to complete in order to call my day a success. I would go to work, do the best I can, then come home and perhaps do some baking for the next day ( I get to bake brownies!) and then head to bed.

In addition to all of this, most nights I would spend up in my room, doing nothing but browsing and keeping my phone on silent. I thought I would benefit from the silence; after being around people all day, I thought this was right. Soon did I realise the importance of staying in touch with friends and family, they are your support line at the end of the day.

This period of total nothingness would eat me up inside. The constant idea that “I should be doing something, but I don’t know what it is!” was playing on loop in my head. When I do nothing in a day, I get very self conscious and angry with myself; calling myself a failure.

Once I had summed up all of this, I identified how tired I actually was. Being constantly glued to a phone, computer and work, never let my brain rest. Moreover, all opportunities being presented to me were turned down, I wanted my time.

One of the first changes I made was accepting that some things you “have to” do in life are actually what you “get to” do instead. As I am in the process of this now, one of the other solutions is to have a good sleep schedule, and try to make the environment comfortable enough for sleeping (ironic how tired I am writing this bit).

I want to keep this as brief as I could. Please take a break if you are tired. Humans are not evoled enough to make working at a supermarket a necessary and habitual need for survival.

So the main cookie of advice I will give you is to stop working as hard, and start living healther, through what I displayed earlier.