Time travel.

The idea of travelling through time has always fascinated me. When i was younger, i would sit for hours, watching all of the Doctor Who episodes on TV. I would religiously watch the “Back to the Future” movies countless times; to the point of addiction.

Why am i writing about this? It isn’t that i have travelled through time ( but we do, through our sleep) but i want to discuss what it would be like to do so.

There are only a few moments in my life where i would want to travel to. One time would be when i was around 7-8 years old. We were moving house, and i had packed up my belongings in a box. But, when we arrived at the new house, i couldn’t find my Sonic figure that was given to me by my friend. I was very upset by this, and spent days trying to find out what happened to it. So, i would go into the body of myself at the time, and would find out what happened to the coolest figure i ever owned.

The next place i would go to would be anytime in Year 8 to Year 9. I didn’t have many friends at the time, and would spend most of my time online; watching YouTube channels like Skydoesminecraft and Smosh. I would go to this time, because i would move to the back of the bus, to get to know the people in my year. The more time i spend with them, the closer we would get. Some of those people are still dear friends of mine 5 years later, but it would be great if i could have spent more time with them, instead of being so selfish.

Moving on, i would next go to early 2015, so i could spend some quality time with my Grandma before she died. Already, i have written a post about her, but i would want to go back, to appreciate her and be kinder to her about the situation she was in. Spending time with loved ones is very important, i didn’t realise it until too late.

Finally, i would jump to the end of Year 12, before my mocks. I would study the hell out of my books to make sure i get top grades. This would come in handy later.

There is the metaphor that people choose not to redo their life, because it made them who they are, but this is not the case for everyone. I would love to go back into the body of my younger self, relive some of the years. There is so much i would improve. But, would it change who i am, let’s find out!

Loved ones

Yesterday, I was thinking about this subject. It links heavily to one of my other blogs, focusing on death, and living life to the fullest. But, this idea is something just as important.

When we die, it can be hard to consume the idea that we will not be around our family and friends. There will come a day, where they, and ourselves are not around. pretty depressing right? But, it is not all bad.

When my Grandma passed, I found it difficult to move on, because I had suppressed guilt on hurting her. I felt as though I had failed her, in some aspect. I never was able to grieve over her death. The more I thought of her, the more I began to be scared of her. She was the most loving woman, that I had ever known, yet I was scared that she was going to come back to haunt me. This went on for many years; being scared to fall asleep every night. Granted, I was very young when she died, and I had watched a lot of horror movies. I never thought I would be able to get over this.

But, then I did.

I finally told someone what I was feeling. I spoke to my mother, about how scared I was, and how sorry I was for not treating her right. That night was the first when I was not scared to sleep.

Even writing this, is somewhat cathartic. I do think the best way for me to get my ideas out of my head, is to type, or write them on paper.

when I was thinking of this, I was building on the idea of inheritance. Not on the amount of money, or items that you get, but on what she gave me. My Grandma showed me not to have expectations of others, and be proud for even trying. She was loving and sweet to everyone she met, and never in a bad mood. It took me a long time to realise, but she lives on within me. She is apart of me, helping me in my everyday decisions.

I forgot about the one thing that she taught me to do. She always did the right thing. More recently, I have forgotten to do the right thing, I have just been sitting around, waiting for the time to pass. With quarantine, I have used it as an excuse to not pursue my life; to seize the day, if you will.

So, from me to you, remember what I learned. Be loving and kind, and have no expectations of others. Finally, do the right thing, always.

I know my Grandma is proud of me 🙂

So, what are you going to do?

This Chapter is ending…

This might sound ominous, but I do not want it to sound this way. When I say “this chapter” I am quite literally referring to this point in my life, because many changes are around the corner, and I won’t easily be able to go back to how I am now.

I have done a lot of growing and developmental work upon myself during the time known as “self-isolation and quarantine” and I value what I have been able to get out from it. For example, I discovered who my true friends were; those who stuck in contact with me throughout the coronacrisis ( I think this is a cooler name). It reminded me that I am loved and cared by others in my life, and I don’t need to be so reclusive to others, because I am not alone in life. I used to think so, I used to live in fear of being looked down on, but I don’t think this way anymore. The only opinions that matter to me are my friends, family and myself. If I am doing something that those around me don’t approve of, if I enjoy it ( and it is sensible in retrospect) then go for it.

One of the most important lessons is one of “moments mori” or to ‘remember death’. As morbid as it sounds, it holds me to the mark; to live each day, knowing that death only draws evercloser. It isolates my fear from me, allowing me to do activities I wouldn’t even dream of.

Another key lesson I learned about myself was that I have lied to myself and others a lot in the past. Whether to make myself, or others around me feel better, I had lost touch with the identity that is ‘me’.

Finally, I have learned what I love to do. Helping people, educating others and myself and being loved is things I adore about life. I have never wanted a relationship that much, besides the failures of asking girls out and whatnot. I’m purposely seeking for the woman of my dreams, I don’t know how long it will take us to find each other, but when we do, it will become clear.

Fate will guide everything to clarity, how that happens is on you.

Anohana

I know i have just written a review on another anime, but i couldn’t help myself. This story is just one of the best things i have ever seen. Anohana is a coming-of-age story, which hit me like nothing has ever done before.

This is a story about 6 friends, who were very close when they were younger. But after one of them tragically died, they each retreated from one another. Now, after 5 years, the girl who died, Menma, has returned to one of the main protagonists, Gin-kin, with the task of fulfilling menma’s last wish. It can only be fulfilled with all of the group together.

This phenomenal story follows the stages of grief, denial, total isolation and depression, but the inclusion of the light hearted, kind character Menma, makes the show more enjoyable.

All aspects of the show were interesting; no filler or unnecessary storylines. Everything was important to the main story. Each character’s struggles were a result of their survival guilt, which needed to be resolved by coming together as a group.

This anime showed the importance of letting your emotions show. As we grow, we are told to toughen up, be a man or an adult; repeatedly we are told. Our lives are only short, life goes on no matter what.

This anime has changed me, more than what I can type. Be more in touch with yourself , show your emotions in a healthy way, you will feel better afterwards.

Emotions

I was always teased for being so sensitive. When I was younger, I got really upset when someone told me off for doing something that was wrong. Me, being the good boy, meant that this would not happen often. But, when it did, it affected me badly.

The reason I am writing about this today is because I took the wrong turn in my life. I had decided that I needed to ‘man up’ in my life. I thought by not showing my emotions; my true feelings, it would make things better for my life. This turned out to not be the case. What happened was I became so out of touch with my emotions , that I almost became a robot. I did not know how to respond to situations. I kept telling myself I must be a sociopath, but rather I was just not letting myself feel.

This only changed up until recently. I never used to let my emotions out. I did have anger management problems, but they subsided once I closed my emotions down.

You may think this is a good thing, it really isn’t. You begin to feel isolated and alone,yet you do not realise this because you don’t let yourself feel. This dilemma continued in me for years. Until I finally broke it, i cried. It felt amazing. Since then, I have began to embrace my emotions; loving myself more.

Sometimes, the most manly thing you can do, is just show your emotions, be vulnerable. It will make you happier in the long run.

Early mornings

I am writing this from my bed, at 5:20 in the morning because this idea has popped into my head, also because I won’t be able to get back to sleep afterwards. I am awake, and ready to tackle the day.

Why talk about early mornings again? The first time I covered it, I was deeply into my productivity mindset when it came to writing this blog. Everything had to be about how to make your life more productive, so you can accomplish more and be happier. But, some things I do, it is for myself and not my work.

I get up early in the mornings because I like to. There is nothing better than taking your dog for a walk, whilst the rest of the world is asleep. The sun is shining, and the world seems much more at peace than it does when you enter the busy day.

Waking up early has taught me to make time to appreciate the beauty in the sunrise. Starting off, getting outside to get some exercise will fuel me undoubtedly.

Everybody has different chronotypes. If yours means you stay up later, then so be it. Just once in a while, make time for an early start, if will change your attitude for the better.

My dogs nagging me to walk now, going to go! Carpe diem!

Erased – Boku Dake Ga Inai Machi

This is an anime that i have just finished watching for the second time around. The first time i watched this series was in 2016, where one of my friends had suggested the anime to the group. I was so immature, and insecure about myself, i felt embarrassed to find something i had enjoyed so much. Even when i meet girls, i would never mention that i like to watch anime, because it always came across as something ” only nerds do”. But no, i wanted to be cool; to be accepted!

Anyway, onto this anime. Firstly, this is a phenomenal series. The story’s main protagonist named Satoru, a 29 year old who had suffered many losses due to a string of murders and abductions when he was 11 years old. Since these had happened, he feels an immense amount of regret, for not trying to save them. He has this ability, which allows him to predict when something terrible is about to happen, such as a kidnapping by a predator. He uses this to stop events from happening in the present. It is only when his mother is murdered, by the same man who murdered the children from way back then, that Satoru’s Revival ability sends him back into the body of his 11 year old self. Now he knows that he has a chance to save his classmates and friends: Kayo, Hiromi and Aya. This involves saving Kayo from her abusive mother, along with dealing with other intense situations.

What makes this story so powerful? The story follows Satoru; doing everything he can to change the course of the original timeline. He says in his 11 year old journal that he isn’t a hero, because he didn’t have the same close friends that his favourite hero. in the end, he realises he was a hero, and he made the close friends around him, by opening up to them; trusting them.

Some other notable characters in the anime is Kenya, another of Satoru’s closest friends. He is one of the only people to realise the change in the personality that Satoru has once he has done his first leap into the past. He trusts and believes Satoru, though the idea of a killer targeting children seems preposterous. He wants them both to become superheros; together. We also get backstory on his character, why he strives to find the truth about everything, after his father was looked down upon, for being unable to find the truth in his lawyer-profession.

Another one of my favourite characters was Kayo. She was heavily abused by her mother and her boyfriend, being constantly locked in the shed overnight, to freeze to death; with small rations of food and money to survive. Once Satoru steps in, his only goal is to get her to smile, to be happy. He successfully saves her from her terrible life, allowing her to have a bright future, having a family with Hiromi, who would have been another one of the victims.

Just putting it out there, Satoru’s mother is one of the greatest characters in anime, just saying.

The way this show ends is all too perfect. The killer is revealed to be Yashiro, the students homeroom teacher. He hates Satoru for stopping his killings, but can’t live without him. It is only once he lets go to Satoru, his true nature is shown to him. He is arrested, and Satoru gets to live, knowing he saved his friends. They all go on to live amazing lives, fulfilling their dreams. Satoru knows what he lost, his relationship with Airi, a girl who worked at the pizza place in the original timeline with him. She saved him from being arrested, after being framed for killing his mother. But, in the final scene, once Satoru has reflected on all that has happened, Revival appears one more time, in the presence of a blue butterfly; directing Satoru to Airi. He cries, knowing he now gets a chance to be with Airi, in the timeline where he won.

The best part, there is no season 2. The series ended perfectly, if they tried to extend it, the impact of the final episode would be for nothing. Satoru won, and became the hero he always wished he could be.

Be grateful for those you have around you, they make you stronger.

Story 4) A tear in reality

Sunday, October 7th.

Robert, the tall, lanky teenager, was strolling with his dog on their favourite walk. The menacing hills located by the sea was a spectacle to see. Rob seized the early mornings to take the opportunity to walk up these pillars, to get a slap of fresh air from the blue horizon.

On this day, he wanted to walk alone. The dog had not been feeling well, and Robert had just broken up with his girlfriend. He needed distance; time to be alone. He slowly climbed the hills, which to his surprise, were as dry as a desert although it had rained all night.

Upon reaching the summit, Robert was struck with a wave of refreshing water. This helped clear his mind over the stressful events that had happened in the past 24 hours.

Then, a pesky bee clung to the side of his jagged arm. It stabbed its needle into his skin, leading to a roar of pain from Robert. He tossed the insect over the hills, towards the water. He tried to pinch his skin, feeling the wince of the sting.

However, what he grabbed hold of was not his arm. He was pinching the sky. This was odd for Robert, he had never been able to pinch the sky before, hell nobody has been able to. With a second of hesitation, Robert clenched both hands onto the gap, pulling the tear apart. Lo and behold, there was a gap in the sky, a tear in the fabric of the universe. This was perplexing Robert, there was nothing beyond it, and nothing comprehensible to explain it.

So, Robert did what any normal person would do. He stuck his hand into the tear. Then all of his body was gone. Robert vanished into this tear. No search parties, no missing posters for the teenager ever appeared, because nobody remembered him. He was erased from reality. The only individual who remembered him, was his dog.

Productivity vs consumption

I was listening to a podcast a while ago, and i noticed a really good point that the hosts shared. It was all based around the idea above.

There is a debate, a conflicting balance upon how much we should consume, and how much we should produce. Take for example, a woman who works a 9-5 job. Now, the majority of the population would see the evening and the morning as times to prepare the body and mind for work, or sleep. It may include the consumption of the news, or watching a good show on Netflix to pass the time before going to bed. Many would not consider this time to produce content of their own.

However, it is important to make your own content. Take this blog as an example. Before i started it, i would constantly consume content; from YouTube and all social media. Never had i considered the possibility of making my own stories and posts. Since i began this journey, my mind has expanded, to think of new ideas, which expand my ideologies of the world, and myself.

Does this concept apply to everyone; not completely. For the majority, the consumption of Twitter, Facebook and Television can be a way of resting the brain. But, for those who want to pursue higher levels of greatness; in their career and in their passion projects, producing more than which you consume is the best method.

Produce on TikTok, YouTube, Instagram.

Write your own blog.

Read a business book to expand your knowledge of the financial world, and apply it.

There are many things you can do to produce. What could you make? The possibilities are endless.

Leaving things in the past.

This idea of moving on, and not letting the past dictate who you are, used to scare me. I didn’t think it was possible, or right to not think about shit that has happened in your life. Isn’t it the experiences you have the definition of you? If that is the case, you need your past to exist.

That is what i used to think, but i think my view has changed a little.

Moving on from your past, does not mean you abandon the events that led you to the situation that we call the present. Rather, moving on from the past means leaving the suffering and pain from events, whilst keeping the positives and lessons learned with you until your future.

I have written about myself and my Grandma before, and for a long time i remembered all the bad stuff i did. Yes, i was a lot younger, and did not understand the fragility of life, but i was a mean person. I lived in fear that my guilt will manifest into something big. Upon reflecting however, i realised i just wanted something to happen to me. I craved the attention of higher beings. Having a childhood, where you are absorbed into the lives of others; through YouTube vlogs and videos, plus television and online media, makes anything possible.

Now, i realised, that a lot has happened to me, yet i did not notice it. The friendships, the drama and the disagreements, are all large events that have happened to me in my life. Due to these being unoticed, i did not learn from them. I could feel myself being trapped in the past. The little boy, who wanted the world to listen to him, to fufil his desires, was angry. This made me feel isolated and upset, though it taught me a good lesson.

The little boy needs someone to hold him, to tell him that the world is listening. He just needed to take his hands off his ears and listen.

This someone is me.

For too long, i have lived if there were two people inside of me. One, who looked out and protected everyone, so they would not feel the same fear he felt everyday. The other is the little boy, who still dreams of the distant stars, and running with his friends. One is happy, the other is not.

These people must become one, if i am ever to move on in my life.

My advice to you, don’t run from your past, let yourself feel it, embrace it and be grateful that it happened. Grab the little child inside your heart, and hold them, so they know they are not alone.

You are not alone.