This is a genuine question i like to ask people, because it can reveal a lot about someone.
Being in love with someone is a difficult concept to divide. There are many different ways to love someone. You can instinctually care for others on this shared planet, and “love” that they are just as lucky to be here as yourself, cherishing their existence, but not having any real connection with them bar life. Or, there is self love, where you accept yourself for your own being, appreciating you for you and not for anybody else.
I haven’t begun to talk about loving other people romantically, because that is the hardest way to love someone, on the same level as unconditional love.
My biological father, is one of those people I love unconditionally. Though he may not be apart of my life, and he has made many shortcomings throughout my childhood, I still love him. There was a time last year, where I resented him, and was filled with nothing but hatred for him, wishing every evil upon him. I thought I was becoming like him, but I realised that I am my own person, and I choose how I act. Could you argue that this is self-love? Yes, but it is something I am working on. We’ve only got one life, so what is the point in resenting yourself and others?
Back to the question at hand, being in love with someone is hard to decipher than being in love with the idea of someone.
There has been many times where my imagination takes ahold of my beliefs, I imagine what it would be like to be with someone, and how amazing it would be. To the story about my old flatmate, she was someone I had imagined being with, but when it came close to this being a reality, I realised how wrong perceptions can be. Not everything is as cut-clear as it may pose to be; don’t trust everything from a bird’s eye, you have to be on the ground to understand.
So, telling the difference between these two concepts takes time. You may need to talk to yourself to understand this. Do I really love this person, or am I love with the idea of them, and how I perceive them to be.
You also leave yourself vulnerable to rejection. If you set your expectations too high, you are likely to be disappointed. There was this one girl , whom I thought was perfect for me. But when it came to the moment of asking her out, she said no. When I use the word rejection, it really holds no value. Being rejected isn’t being rejected, you were never owed something in the first place. But, it can feel like rejection, which is difficult to overcome.
Love takes time to brew. There is the phrase “love at first sight”. Though I have never experienced that, I do know that true love is not instant. Take my parents for example. Occasionally they fall out and argue, but they are each other’s anchors, and can come back from anything. Saying this aloud would cause for some kind of failsafe, such as “touch wood” or crossing fingers, but I believe this to be the case. True love is one where nothing can shatter it, or something so terrible could cause an imbalance.
You can love someone too much, which disrupts the balance and can cause destruction. This is why true love is a balance.
After all these mini discussions, it can be shown that love isn’t black and white. So when I ask “Are you in love with someone?”, think deep down what love means to you.
Once you unlock true love, you’ll know, and you won’t let it go.
So, are you in love with someone? Or are you in love with something else?