Today was the day i finally did it. I stood up for myself.
So here is just some anonymous backstory.
Back in late September, I had made a mistake. I fell for the wrong girl. I think the correct phrase to use would be a “One Night Stand”. Flashfoward, I did not know how to handle this. Being in a contained environment, I thought it would be easiest to give her and myself some space. This was not the case, as it was interpreted to be an act of selfishness and avoidance, cowardice from tackling the real issue, how was she feeling.
Of course, I later realised this and reacted in the best way I thought possible. I sent her long messages about how sorry I was, conditioning myself into thinking this was all my fault.
That is where the downward spiral started.
I hated myself, I regretted everything that had happened, and yet i tried to put on a brave face. I went home, and confided in family and friends. This was the closest I have come to a Depressive episode, but I have not been diagnosed.
It only occurred to me a couple days ago, that I have been conditioned into thinking that everything was my fault. This isn’t the case. Everybody makes mistakes, but I had taken the responsibility of the whole world on my shoulders. Her friends and her had made me feel completely isolated and hated, misinterpreting the event to be almost criminal, though it was a mutual honest mistake.
So what have I learned, you should ALWAYS stand your ground. No matter the event, no matter the circumstances, make sure your voice is heard. Once I had stood up to her