Yesterday, I was thinking about this subject. It links heavily to one of my other blogs, focusing on death, and living life to the fullest. But, this idea is something just as important.
When we die, it can be hard to consume the idea that we will not be around our family and friends. There will come a day, where they, and ourselves are not around. pretty depressing right? But, it is not all bad.
When my Grandma passed, I found it difficult to move on, because I had suppressed guilt on hurting her. I felt as though I had failed her, in some aspect. I never was able to grieve over her death. The more I thought of her, the more I began to be scared of her. She was the most loving woman, that I had ever known, yet I was scared that she was going to come back to haunt me. This went on for many years; being scared to fall asleep every night. Granted, I was very young when she died, and I had watched a lot of horror movies. I never thought I would be able to get over this.
But, then I did.
I finally told someone what I was feeling. I spoke to my mother, about how scared I was, and how sorry I was for not treating her right. That night was the first when I was not scared to sleep.
Even writing this, is somewhat cathartic. I do think the best way for me to get my ideas out of my head, is to type, or write them on paper.
when I was thinking of this, I was building on the idea of inheritance. Not on the amount of money, or items that you get, but on what she gave me. My Grandma showed me not to have expectations of others, and be proud for even trying. She was loving and sweet to everyone she met, and never in a bad mood. It took me a long time to realise, but she lives on within me. She is apart of me, helping me in my everyday decisions.
I forgot about the one thing that she taught me to do. She always did the right thing. More recently, I have forgotten to do the right thing, I have just been sitting around, waiting for the time to pass. With quarantine, I have used it as an excuse to not pursue my life; to seize the day, if you will.
So, from me to you, remember what I learned. Be loving and kind, and have no expectations of others. Finally, do the right thing, always.
I know my Grandma is proud of me 🙂
So, what are you going to do?