Francis

Today, I was on the r/stoicism subreddit and I wanted to look at the top rated posts of all time. This is the one that captured my eye and stuck with me. It is beautifully written, and says a lot when it comes to life.

“So I have found out about 1 month ago that I have a serious medical condition that is going to eventually kill me. I went through a long period of mourning and sadness. I’ve contemplated suicide many times. Especially so once I read Seneca’s letters to Lucilius number 70 and 77 where he talks of taking ones life. He spoke so casually about it and how one must remember that there is no number of days we are bound to complete and that if we were to make life longer, how much longer would we make it? I meditated on these ideas a long time and finally I realized I was approaching this the wrong way. I only have now. This very moment I may as well choose to make these days great rather than wallow in misery and self pity. I woke up today extremely happy although I’m in tremendous pain I choose not to let it effect me. I finished up a will to leave what little I have to my niece and nephew. I called my mother and told her how much I loved her and how much I appreciated the support she gave me throughout my existence. I finally found peace only in knowing seriously that I didn’t have much time left. Lastly I want to thank you all. The stories you shared and hardships you went through gave me a new perspective. It showed me that I was not alone and that many people suffer much more than me. So once again thank you everyone. To me stoicism is the ultimate truth. The only philosophy that made sense to me. I wish you all the best and I hope you remain stoic until you too meet the fate we are all bound for. Farewell everyone.

Best regards, Francis.”

The World is not fair and that is okay

This is probably one the most negative topics I have covered on this blog until now, because no one likes to think this is the truth.

Let me explain, our lives are complicated and they change dramatically every day. There are ideals and missions that we all follow, but they are all different. If that is the logic, then how can it be that the world is fair for everyone?

If I am honest with myself; re-evaluating my point, I deleted a lot of what I wrote for this post. I believe that those who strive to make the world a better place, changing beliefs and constitutional opinions on repressed communities will see change. The world is not fair, and it has always been, but that doesn’t mean through dedication and hard work that we begin to see change.

It is impossible for everyone to have everything we want, I think we saw that in the questionable movie Wonder Woman: 1984. People don’t get handed their needs on a plate, working hard and staying dedicated towards a goal is the path to success.

Think Twice

So often in our lifetimes, do we jump into something headfirst; disregarding any chance for thought for anything other than just to fulfil our immediate need.

Take me for example. I was going to spend 400 pounds today to upgrade to a phone that I don’t even need. What was insane to me, was how close I came to doing it.

Many will argue that it is easy to not give into your temptations, to just not do it. But I tell you as an actual honest individual, it is hard not to buy new things. We see it as our value; what we own is who we are. People disagree with this statement regularly, though they go out and buy the latest iPhone the next day. Our lives are hilarious in the most interesting way possible, but only we have the power to change our beliefs.

Accepting it is a problem is one of the first steps. Once we clarify within ourselves, whatever we are doing, we must think twice before deciding if it is a good decision.

I don’t want to be spoiled anymore.

I am aware that I have posted about this before, but with the release of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier, I have begun to release, in so many ways, that I no longer, want to be spoiled for experiences.

When you buy a book, you do not usually look up the ending online before you read the first page. Though some may argue that ” it is all about the experience of writing the book, instead of the actual story”, unfortunately for me honey, I read my books to get lost in a new world.

I think we all pay too much attention to what everybody else is doing, whether that is due to FOMO (fear of missing out) or conditioned sheep-like behaviour to follow what everybody else wants; thinking that is your own want. This may be a tangent, but when I see people on YouTube, basically telling you to change your life to act a certain way, I think to myself “who gives you the right to tell anyone anyway how to live their life other than themselves”. In extreme circumstances, of course it would be stupid not to utilise your influence to spread a positive message, but this constant ordering over others had become negative and annoying.

That is only if you let it become that.

We are all so bothered by what everybody else is doing, that we lose sight of what our actual lives entail. Right now, I am listening to WhiteNoise whilst my dogs look at me; begging to go on a dog walk. Instead of focussing on MY present moment, I focus on the rest of the world, such as how others are reacting to a show on Disney Plus that is just a show, or a prediction on how the series will end. I truly believe now, that going into things blind is one of the most treasured and thrilling attitudes to have. Knowing so much about pop culture community in the past can lead to expectations underwhelmed and predictions of the plot.

In many ways, I believe that individuals should be more selfish with their own personal wants. If everyone is getting the iPhone, but you really like that Samsung, then get the Samsung. You can like what you like; without choosing to care about what everyone else thinks. I understand in many situations across the globe, this can be hard or nearly impossible, but I employ you to stick to your own values as much as you can.

If you don’t, the question is asked of who is living your life; you or others

Anyway, that is my long way of saying that my friend from school? I understand why you watch things blindly, it is so much fun.

Live your life for you, not others.

Saying Goodbye

This is one of the toughest things that humans have to go through in their everyday life. Might it be to a significant other, or a job, it does not get any easier.

But sometimes, there is an appropriate time to say goodbye.

Recently, I have been playing through all of the Pokemon games again. As the fellow reader would know, I have always been attached to the franchise. I played every game, collected the cards, and enjoyed the music. It was my thing.

Then, I went to secondary school, and I started to distance myself from it unintentionally. I still kept up to date with the news, but I was not as interested as before.

Last year, it once again reaffirmed itself as important to me. It felt like a piece of me that I had been missing in my life.

So I bought all the games.

I learned the hard way that if you try to relive your nostalgia from a child, it can be incredibly saddening. Once you realise that the young you, who loved these games cannot return because you have already played them, it is sad, and can leave the games with a completionism facade.

I played the games, but did I enjoy them?

I realised this today, once completing the last game. I felt a wave of grief and sadness, that I had not explored when I was younger. The cost of growing up is that sometimes, the young child must stay with his games. I will always love the games, I don’t want to invest myself so much in just playing for the sake of it, because then I will hate it.

I will return to the franchise once I lose the no-fun-completionist attitude.

For now, I have to put the game back in its box.

Losing your school friends.

I think this is an inevitable part of growing up. Friends that you were once incredibly close with, begin to drift apart as opportunities, life experiences and emotions create an invisible wall between each other; impossible to break down with big changes to both your lifestyles.

I am writing about this, not because I have lost all of my school friends, but as I progress through my life, new friends arise, which start to be my main priority friend group; I see them all the time. The group that I once spent every day of every month has become a blur, as we all go down our own life’s journey; exploring where it will take us.

The pandemic did increase the tenacity of the seperation. Unless you make significant effort to stay in touch, it can be hard once you realise that you are drifting. Just remember that friendship is two sided; both must make the effort for it to exist.

Though our lives are no longer intertwined, I am okay with the idea of starting a new adventure. I will always be grateful for the moments I shared with those people; laughing, crying and singing our hearts out. The beauty of life is not because it lasts, but because it ends, making it precious.

Maybe, our paths will cross again in the future, but for now I am happy with change.

(I may have pulled a line from Avengers: Age of Ultron, but which one??).

We are our Memories

When I was writing in my journal this morning, an interesting thought came up that I have not recognised before.

On my laptop, there were files from when I was in school. My School Parliament documents, economics power points, and even some maths homework. It looked like my whole adolescent education experience had been saved and documented on my laptop. It was baffling, because I had not realised how much I had saved over the years.

Going through those files, felt as though I was looking back on my own life. In some of those transcripts, and action points from meetings, I could tell how much I did not want to do it. I could tell how I was feeling just through a few sentences on a screen. This was scary, but it was helpful to reconcile my position in the world today.

I think I have done a lot of growing up; as naive as it sounds. I would not be where I am today, without the struggle, the uncomfortableness and for the friends who believed in me. Like for everyone, I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be; we are always changing in life.

The message that can be gathered from this experience is it is okay to let go of your past. I did not realise how much I was holding on to the Secondary school life that I once had. Sometimes, I would wish to be transported back in time to those academic years; just to live out one more day.

The truth is, I can’t do that. I don’t think I would want to anymore because it would be too sad, and it shaped me at the time, but not now.

We are our own memories, it is good to write them down in a journal, or on a computer, because memories help create our identity.

…

Today, I forgot my password on my iPhone, so I have to reset it to factory settings. This is sad, but I am not worried at the end of the day.

I am starting to realise that the general public are holding their digital devices at higher value to the people we see in our everyday lives. At the dinner table; phone. At school or college; phone in hand. There is difference between sounding like a “boomer” and being worried for our neighbour.

Your life is yours, you are free to do whatever you want with it; I will not stop you. But, we should all be aware that once our devices have hooked onto us, it is incredibly difficult to resist the instant dopamine hit you get by just looking at it.

I made a post last year in the summer, regarding removing my music and earphones when out in public or on a run. Unfortunately, not only is it safer, but it is pleasant when focussing your peripherals on nature and people.

In public, everyone is doing their own thing, but I still find it nice to just say “Good Morning!” or “Have a nice day!” because it can brighten up another’s day.

In summary, don’t put all of your identity solely being with your phone. You can exist without it, you are not going to die with it, so why treat it like it is alive. Utilise it, appreciate it, but remember it can always absorb your time, life and money away.

P.S.: When you change your password on your phone, remember to write it down!

Gratitude.

I am going to be honest with you, reader. I have no idea what to write about today, though i have the motivation to just right.

So, what do I use the time to do? I want to express my deep gratitude for having the ability to write and create using this blog for the past two years. When I started it back in 2019, I was bewildered by my own insecurities. Constantly, I would wonder what my destiny, or my dreams would be for my life. It was paralysing for me.

But now, I believe that this blog has helped change my life. It has gotten me to gather a new perspective on relevant topics, and has adapted my ability to evaluate and think critically on important topics. I am truly grateful that I can express and share my posts with the world.

I think the world would be a better place if everybody learned to express themselves (sensibly, of course) through discussions; not avoiding the deep topics such as death or your meaning in life.

We all have limited time, so why spend it either wasting it, or not pursuing what you want. Moreover, why would you spend your time being so negative? Positivity and gratitude are the way forward.

Sometimes, you got to get of your high horse to see how vast the land below you is; so much to explore!

Nine and a Half Hours

During my off days from University, I utilise my time by developing new skills, communicating with others, and exercising my mind through meditative practices, as well as problem solving (a sophisticated way of saying I play Minecraft).

But, recently I stumbled upon this podcast, SickBoy. The main host – Jeremi – has cystic fibrosis, which if you remember from GCSE biology, is a fatal disease where people live up to the age of 30 if they are lucky. The podcast is pivoted around presenting a safe space for those with terminal illnesses to speak up, spread awareness and educate others on how it has changed their perspective in life.

In the last month, Jeremi was a guest on Anthony Padilla’s YouTube channel, with a video titled “I spent a day with people with Terminal Illnesses”. The video was phenomenal, due to the message that the guests, such as Jeremi, described.

Having a fatal illness is the worst. Though I cannot speak for them, the strength and determination to live fulfilling lives, though their time will likely be shorter than the rest of us, is extremely admirable.

One thing stuck with me. Though these people with terminal illnesses have a rough estimate for the end of their time, the rest of us are like this too. Death is inescapable.

You probably just read that last sentence thinking it is morbid, but that is exactly the problem; we are all so scared. We hold back in life because we think we will be given another chance, or we are not good or capable enough to do the task. Newsflash: you may never get another shot to do what you want to do right now, so why waste it.

Jeremi set a good idea in motion on the video. Set the timer for nine and a half hours, imagine that is how long until you die. He challenges the viewers to live as though it was your last day on earth. Now, this doesn’t mean ignoring laws or the pandemic regulations, but doing the tasks you want to do, speaking to the people you love, and those you should be speaking to. Embrace your limited time, because we all have a timer ticking over our heads.

Are you going to keep looking away from it, or accept it and start living life to the full?

The choice is yours

(P.S: Shoutout to my old classmate!)