Boredom

I have had this feeling for the past couple of days now. I have done blog posts on this topic about a year ago, yet i have never experienced it like this.

When i get bored, i want to go on my computer, go onto YouTube, and watch videos to escape it all. This is because it passes the time, and allows me to consumer content whilst not having to pay for it, unlike other services such as disney plus and netflix. I am fearful, having time alone with myself because i don’t know what i will fill the day with. Will i go crazy, and watch the sun go by? Or will i discover a new passion, something i had never considered beforehand. Either way, this fear is daunting, calling me to a different purpose that i am hesistant to explore.

I completed a miniature detox earlier on this month. It was the happiest i had been in a while. It was great, to relax and enjoy being present in nature and the world around me, yet the days felt longer. Recently, i have been reading on my kindle a lot more, but i feel contorted to binge a book, to get through it as fast as possible ;just so i can know the ending, without appreciating the book for its values.

My blog on digital minimalism, was one of the most popular posts to date. The advice is very true, but it is very difficult to follow. Many bloggers outline the practical points readers should follow, but do not detail the difficulties which follow.

It is time that i try to follow my own advice. For the next two days, i am going offline. No Phone, No internet, and no laptop. The only device i will have is my kindle, where i can read books. I will have my phone on me, in case of emergencies, but nothing more.

My next post will outline what i did, and how it felt to do the detox. I hope others join me in this daring adventure!

Being Truthful

I think one of the best qualities human beings have, is the ability to tell the truth (You probably could have guessed that from the title) . This ability is highly underrated, the human conscience has this power, that no other species has; truth.

I found that i am the happiest when i tell the truth. There is nothing worse than lying to someone you care about; or anyone for the matter. Lying creates a false image of one’s self, perplexing another’s belief about you. One of the worst lies i have ever told myself was always to do with relationships. Saying statements such as ” i have a girlfriend, she just goes to my climbing school”. Call it manipulative, but if anyone came close to discovering the truth, i would panic, and create a scenario where: we suddenly broke up!

The last lie before i called it quits was about a girl who lived on my street. Someone had called me gay a few days before. Although i am hetrosexual, my sister used to call me this when i was younger constantly, making me insecure and worried about my personality and appearance, hence i began to identify it as an insult. Due to this, i changed my voice and personality to make myself more masculine. I was ashamed in myself. I would watch ” How to be a proper Man” videos on YouTube, so i could learn what it means to be one. I thought i always had to be dating someone, so i would make fake relationships with people. This was the peak of my insecurities in my life.

I thought this would make me happy, it didn’t and it made people view me as a man who dated loads of girls, but couldn’t keep a stable relationship. The truth is, i haven’t been in a proper relationship ever. I have briefly dated girls in the past, and i am talking to one girl at the moment, but nothing proper.

I spent so long searching what it meant to be a man, when what a real man does is tell the truth.

I would lie because i was scared. I told my friends that my biological father was dead because i was ashamed of his alcoholism.

My advice to everyone reading, stop telling lies. It doesn’t improve your image, it backfires on you eventually. Also, be weary what you call your friends, some phrases could make them more insecure than they let on.

Just think before you act.

How to stop buying so much

We buy a crap ton of stuff everyday. We buy: coffee, snacks, lunch, dinner, new gadgets and games to make us happy. But, with the start of quarantine, the demand for these luxuries would be believed to decrease, due to the restriction on outdoor, non-essential stores. However, for myself and many others, we can agree the need to buy has never been greater.

We all get bored. The urge for something different to our normal life gives an immediate influx of dopamine to our system, to make us feel happy for a time. For me, i would get this shot from moving my bedroom around; constantly as i ” wanted to give myself as much space as possible”. What was really happening was i wanted change in my routine, a change of location in my own home. This worked for a long time, until the furniture began to wear down, and i began to move it incessantly. It then became known as an addiction.

What does this have to do with buying? it gives the same joy as i had moving my bed. When we first buy the item on amazon, or eBay, we get all excited : yes! something new is on its way! But this joy can soon disapear when the item arrives at your house, and you wonder why you ordered it in the first place.

Our mind is very good at convincing us to buy something. “This will make you happier” or ” this will get you the grades you want “. This is not the case! The joy of waiting is what we want. EVerybody wants something to look forward to; every once in a while, but whether it is a smart decision to buy a £400 watch that tells the time, and alerts you when you’re exercising ( in case you didn’t already know) is the real issue.

So, what can we do to solve this issue? First look around in your living space, ask yourself why you need this item? If it is a new phone, why do you need it? If your old iPhone is broken and beyond repair, maybe it is a good idea to buy a new one, or pay for a refurbished one using your insurance. A friend once told me that ” we should only upgrade, or buy something new, when the action you require/ need is unattainable with your current product. When i say require, i don’t mean you need portrait mode on a iPad, i mean the features like being able to use it as a functional computer, to edit videos for your work. Valid arguments such as those will help justify purchases, in your own head that is.

As much as we enjoy spending, there is a joint feeling of buyer’s remorse. Sometimes the products we buy aren’t up to our standards, or the aforementioned ” buyer’s joy” has dissipated. Many times, we cannot get the money back ( unless returning it to the seller in the allotted time). To combat this feeling, certainty is needed when making a purchase.

Make a spreadsheet about your income, truthfully ask yourself:

Do I need it?

Why do i need it?

Is there any product i have now that could fill this role?

Can i afford it?

How will this affect others in my life?

Assessing the impact on others can result in a purchase, or saving the money. Buying is a choice, not a drug, do not fuel the buyer’s desire.

PS, don’t buy on Black Friday, just don’t.

🙂

You are going to die someday.

This is a morbid title, but it is the most valid, truthful piece of information you will ever know.

I was reminded of this fact when watching one of Matt D’avella’s videos the other day, entitled “ Watch this before you die”. The video explains how the majority of the population don’t pursue their dreams and goals, and instead settle for the average life because they are unaware of their mortality. 

It’s 2020, technology is all around us; controlling us to an extent to where we have no free time. Dreams and aspirations fulfil their destinies, remaining as fantasises in the back of our minds, whilst we watch cat videos on Facebook. 

The pandemic which surged the world into a large panic at the beginning of this year, hopefully has rejuvenated how fragile life is for us all. There was no certainty you and I would get through this, yet here we are; alive with open eyes. 

We are all going to die one day. The inclusion of the “one day” at the end makes the time sound distant,; not anytime soon. Consequently, this is the same approach the rest of the population have to this statement: it isn’t going to happen soon, so I am okay to continue what I am doing. But, this is not the case for everyone. 

Although this sounds depressing, it does not need to be. We all have a limited time, but that gives us more of a reason to do what we want with our life. We do not get another one. 

If you want to go skydiving with a goat, make it happen!

If you want to cook a meal for all your friends and family, make it happen!

If you want to write a book ,that has been in the back of your mind for the past 10 years, I think you know what to do.

If you feel comfortable sitting down and watching Netflix all day and night for the rest of your life, good for you. But, if you have other dreams and wants in life, you best get after them. 

~ Here are a few of my goals:

Write a short novel and publish it

Go skydiving

Run a marathon 

Continue writing the blog for the next year

Consistency

Do you ever get this feeling? You start up your computer, go over to your daily tasks, and you think to yourself: is this really what I want to be doing?

The more we complete a habit, the more likely it stays consistent; but at what cost? The joy you once felt for a passion project could become a chore, an obligation to which you feel no attachment to. The culture we live in pushes the concept of hustle. Keep working and you will get there. This is not so easy for everybody; people get bored of what they are pursuing, and wonder if the task is even worth their time, which could be spent on something else.

I felt this recently with the progression of my French learning. I would wake up, do my workout and exercise, and then I would begin some French learning. I have consistently done the habit for the past 40-50 days, and now I find myself being obligated to do so; to not break the streak.

I turn to the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. In the book, Clear states the four fundamental principles to making habits successful in the long run.

Make them:

Obvious

Attractive

Easy

Satisfying

Upon reflection of this, I realised my satisfaction for the habit had dwindled to nothing. Duolingo is obvious and easy, but it lacks the attractiveness and satisfactory feeling I so desperately need.

Luckily, this does not mean I give up on the habit. It just needs to be rewired. For example, to make the habit of French education more attractive, I could use the site through another format, such as on another device, or other applications (tiny cards). This would reduce the imprinted image of the learning tree, and the pesky owl, from my brain; making the task less mundane. I could fix the satisfying issue of dullingo with attaching some sort of reward for completing each area of my daily learning; having one bit of chocolate or some kind of treat, could help ignite this. Overall, this would revive the lost ambition I have for the site.

Now onto you, what could you change in your life to make your tasks more rewarding and less dull? If I can do it, so can you 🙂

No excuses…

What is something that you have always wanted to do? Is it to climb a mountain, or write your own screenplay?

If there is one, why haven’t you tried it yet?

For me, I want to write a book one day, and get it published to the kindle store for others to read. This is because I love to read others work, and would be thrilled if they could experience the same joy by reading mine. The reason I haven’t done this yet is because of my fear. I am afraid that I am not linguistically skilled enough to produce a high quality fiction book; there is not enough time for me to write a book; even though there definitely is. I have made all these excuses to try and convince myself this is not the right way forward.

This is the same with other physical activities, such as going to the gym or going on a hike. You may say ” It is cold today, I don’t want to go out in case I get a cold’ . Our brain then processes this excuse, and makes a verdict on whether you should go out today and exercise, or watch the latest episode of your favourite TV show. Our minds work with us and against us.

The truth of the matter is, there is no real legitimate excuse ( besides major health issues) to not pursue what you want in life. Working a 9-5 and always feel tired? Then try to work around this; put a few hours in before and after work on your passion project. If it is something you want to pursue, then your excitement to continue becomes your motivation. Sacrifices may have to be made, to make your dreams a reality, but if it is important to you, it won’t matter as much.

We always forget how precious time is. No matter how much money you will ever own, you can never buy time back. How about we all use this blessing to the best of our ability while we can. We all only get one life, why not start living it?

If you can’t, what is your excuse?

There isn’t one.

You never know how good you have got it until it disappears…

This concept is always dwelling in the front of my mind. Since I was younger, I would be disapointed and upset when the change in my life was taken from me. For instance, when my Aunt and Uncle would visit, I would be so happy at first, and then treat it as the norm. Once they actually left, I began to experience a feeling of pain in my stomach, like something had just stabbed me. The realisation of what I had just lost came apparent.

This feeling would then intensify once I began to experience this with those who have passed away, especially my Grandmother.

This feeling has happened recently. I began to talk with a girl that I really liked. We had many similar interests, as well as a good sense of humour. I really enjoyed our time together; online of course. But then, I began to treat it as a normal part of my life. I would become distressed once she would text me, because I would have to revert my attention to her, instead of something less important. I was not grateful for her presence.

Granted, this is not over, as we are going to similar places, but once the communication began to retract, my stabbing pain asserted its presence. Now, I long for the same comradery that we first experienced together.

You may be able to gather by now, that this experience exemplifies the importance of being grateful. Cherish what you already have in your life: friends, family and the Internet. We become so adhered to the routine of life. New things come in, and become apart of it. We only acknowledge its presence once it leaves. The world does not owe you anything; it could be taken away tomorrow; the feeling of gratefulness would only appear then. Rather, if you begin to notice what you have in your lives, that is where gratefulness can consume you.

Love what you have, appreciate it every day of your life; it could easily be taken away.

Putting our phones down..

The phones over 94% of Americans carry in their pockets has revolutionised the digital age. Everybody is connected to everyone; all at once. Yet, the rate of happiness collected globally has seen a massive decrease. Most, if not all people would agree that our phones are a contributing factor.

Social media portrays the vision of ourselves to others that we want them to see. When I was younger, when i was having my photo taken, I would always tense my biceps; to look strong. There wasn’t much of a difference in the photo, and now I am always reminded of how I felt when the photo was taken. I wasn’t happy, I wanted people to see how strong I was ( I was 15).

3 years on from this, and I can see old classmates acting the way my 15 year old self did. The stylised, sexy photos people post to instagram and on their snapchat stories, aims to gain some sort of admiration from their followers. People want to be known, and liked by all (social validation). We think this would make us happy, but rather it does the opposite. Being constantly self aware, self conscious of how we present ourselves to others, has led to the movement of Digital Minimalism.

This art was named by Cal Newport, the author of the book by the same name. Cal states the benefits of cutting back from technology, embracing having less than more, can make you happy. Being an advocate for this, I have experienced many benefits.

For example, the purpose of social media is to keep us connected globally. I have met new friends from across the world using these sources, but not close friends.

I found I speak to my closer friends more frequently without the use with social media. I come across as less insecure, and more confident with my own beliefs.

Cutting back on using my phone has led to a creative spark within me to pursue making content. Although the blog website does not get many views, I don’t care because I enjoy making the content I publish. I am ahead of my schedule when it comes to making posts!

Finally, the main benefit I discovered from cutting back is I read more. Usually, It would take me a couple of weeks to finish a book. This week alone, I have read 2 books, over 300 pages long. I am starting to see benefits in sleep as well, which is very important.

I can’t tell anybody to do something, but if you feel as though you are too connected to social media, and your phone, it is time to pursue a more intentional life. Digital minimalism is the way.

What I want

For a long time, I have struggled with what I wanted to have in life. For a lot of my younger years, I felt as though I needed to be a protector for others who cannot protect themselves. This was a result of my self-imposed failure I put on myself when I was younger; where I could not protect the I loved the most.

So, for most my life, that has been my goal; to protect others in the face of danger. This still is a huge part of my life. I don’t feel obliged to, I feel as though I must. But, this has not made me fulfilled. I want to do more, I need to be more. This is a selfish ambition, but I feel as though I have a destiny to do something great. This keeps me up at night; what is it? I keep pondering, searching for what this is. Maybe I won’t know what this ‘destiny’ is for a while, but I will keep looking for it.

Why am I writing about this? Well it was one of the first ideas that came into my head, and I wanted to write about it. I think it is the most important part; whether you want to do write about it. I have never pursued what I wanted to do, I was afraid of failure. Although I am going to university, this does not mean I won’t be able to purse my wants.

Whether this is career-wise, love or life ambitions, I will choose what I want.

We always forget we have this only life to pursue all of our goals. If others bellittle your abilities to grow, then they are afraid of your accomplishment.

If I could summarise this post in four words it would be this; go with your gut.

Story 3)

Hi all! Hope you are all doing okay!

This is a story based on what I imagined happened after Avenger’s Infinity War’s ending; in normality. Enjoy!

April 18th 2018 

I was walking down the road today towards the shops, because I wanted to buy some Cadbury’s Oreo for myself. I had been hearing in the news there had been high levels of conflict which the avengers we’re dealing with. This morning it had said Tony Stark – Iron Man had gone missing after going into space. I was bewildered by this news, who will be protecting the people where the avengers are not. Worryingly, I thought I might have to step up and become a friendly neighbourhood helper, whilst the true heroes  were away. I have never thought of myself being something special. Working average job, and having not many friends made be believe I was meant for nothing. I always look back in failure at the young boy who had aspirations to be something great, but was knocked down so much he couldn’t get back up. 

Around lunchtime was when it got serious. The daily bugle was calling out for Spider-Man to come home. J Jonah Jameson was never a fan of the web slinger, but now he was worried about him? Then I knew it was scary. I stayed calm throughout this though, I had to  assure others were okay. I helped a woman get her groceries. I felt happy being useful, but everybody was at the stores; stockpiling and panic buying in case of the worst scenario. That is New York for you.

I was having a coffee in Times Square around 3PM, the coffee was too warm for me to drink, so I admired the space around me. People were everywhere, running and climbing over others to get their supplies. I was surprised and disappointed in society. \

Then it happened, the crackle in the sky. The sound was so loud we all knew something had happened.

People around me had started to turn to dust, what had the avengers done? 

I though they always won, and protected the people.

This was not the case.

Times Square went to having 70 people in the area, we lost over 1000 people in the area. I was horrified, seeing friends turn to nothing. I tried to phone my mother, but it went to voicemail. Although I had spoken to her yesterday, the absence of her voice made me panicked. I didn’t turn to dust, what do I do?