Author Archives: tjh3347

They are all around us, aren’t ‘they? When i am at school, there are so many people and different stimuli that always influence our everyday tasks and actions. Moreover, a life without distractions is a life of constant focus. In Cal Newport’s new book “Deep Work” a business had started to adapt to the idea of no distractions in which there would be a cubicle of noise cancelling foam surrounding the worker. No distractions, so no excuse for not working.

It is important to have areas where there is no distractions so you can focus on your work, but sometimes it is crucial that distractions are there. They can change your life.

For example, i didn’t find out about my explorers group through being in a group of people. They told me about the group and how to apply when i was supposed to be studying. Nowadays, i love my explorers team and i value that

A friend old me something today that i had not thought about in a long time. We were talking on the basis of our future, and the future of those around us. He spoke about how me and him may not keep in contact after school ends and that is the same for the vast majority of the members of the school. Now i have always struggled making friends and keeping in contact, but this really made me think.

Our time is limited with the people around us. I know that a lot of the time, i spend my time by myself, in my room and not socializing (discussed in previous blog “Being Alone”). But my friend helped me massively, showing me that i should cherish the time i have with those around me as it won’t last forever.

So what will i be changing? Well firstly i will assure myself that i will make room to talk with those important to me. This is important for me to make a difference in their lives, and make cherish able memories. It goes for my family members too, i am not around forever, and neither are they so it is even more imperative to spend time with them.

OUR WORK IS NOT Every Thing, making memories that last a lifetime is. We never know how long that will be.

Ever feel that?, well you are not the only one. This will only be a quick post but here is a basis of what i think about loneliness and how to deal with it.

Since i was very young, i have always liked being on my own. I yearned for my own space where i could be alone and od whatever i pleased. Then i started watching horror movies at a young age with my sister, since then i still hate being the only one in the house. Even to this day occasionally. I know this isn’t all about me, but there is a point to be made here. Whilst i was growing up the sense of being alone was meditative for me. The sense of not having to communicate with anybody for a certain period of time just made it so i could focus on myself. I was a very selfish kid with anger issues alright!

It was as i grew older, i understood the importance of communication with the outside world. I became sort-of depressed during the school summer holidays as i would not communicate with anybody who i identify as my friends. Even now i struggle to communicate with my friends because i am subconsciously afraid “what if i say something wrong”. I think this neglection of communication did a number on my communication skills as a young adult/ teen. I will never be able to get across what i truly mean because i cannot form the words required to do so. this has led to falling out with friends and in some cases weird interpretations such as “i led them on” in a romantic sense, but that is for another post.

The point here is that it is important to communicate with those around you, if you want to see change in how you are perceived and how you communicate, you must have the confidence to talk to someone. Talking to someone new helps, you both don’t know how each other process, it is a great learning experience.

Sometimes, if not a lot of the time i feel jealousy over others. We humans are naturally born to be selfish creatures who love to be in control of everything. This primary nature is embedded to our lives today, especially over topics of love, people and things. “They have that, but i want that!” or “They are dating, but i want to date her!”. It has always been around.

I am bringing this up now because i discovered something yesterday that i didn’t really think of before. One of my closest friends who i will call “John” has began recently hanging round with others. I thought i was okay with the idea of him moving long as i had already learnt this from H (look back at one of my posts “Change”) but this was different, we were best friends. I began to miss hanging out with him, hearing his high-pitched voice and the silly, messed up, funny points he would say that i took for granted. As we grow, we change to find our place in the world.

I was talking with my friend about this issue, and i came to the realization that i was not complaining about that he always hung out with the other lot. No, what i was thinking subconsciously was that i was jealous that he preferred them over me. All the years we have known each other, and he left just like that. Once that dawned upon me, i kind of went into self-pity. “Boo-ooh he doesn’t want to spend time with me”, so what?

Now i am able to look to my surroundings and see that i should be grateful for what i have in my life. I still have great friends that i now ave the opportunity to invest my time in and create a stronger relationship. Besides, i still see John everyday and we share many classes together. Sure, we may not hang outside of class, but i still value him for having some play in the forming of who i am today.

John, if your reading i don’t blame you for hanging with other people, i value you and treasure the strong friendships we had and still have. Life is all about change, this jealousy over this change will stop now.

Finding the real reason behind changes is imperative, especially if you are feel jealous or in envious at all about another. There is normally a hidden reason underneath, you just have to find it and once you do, your life will be better off.

Now i can proudly say that i have had a whopping 2 interviews in my life. So, not a great achievement is it? Normally what would happen is that due to unknown reasons when i applied for a job i would automatically get it. I used to think i was that perfect, until about 3 years ago when i had my first ever interview. When i was talking to the employer he said to me something i will never forget “You are trying to impress me, i am not your friend”. From there i discovered the broad, realistic sense of what it means to be professional in the adult world. Whenever i had spoke to anybody, i acted like my normal self: goofy, nerdy and a fast speaker. Little did i know that the rest of the world does not work the same way.

So, what about the 2nd interview i hear you ask, well i will tell you! It happened yesterday, and it was about the role of Head Boy in my college. I had been panicking and thinking of the worst case scenario for the whole weekend at work, counting down the hours,minutes and seconds until it was time to go.

Recall back what i said earlier in the blog, about acting as my normal self, the first thing i said when walking into the interview room was “This place is massive!”. From there you can probably gather that I acted just how i did three years ago. Whilst i walked out of the interview with a massive grin on my face, i knew that something has to change.

Don’t get me wrong, it is very important to act like yourself in any situation. But, you must adapt the extent of how much you act normally in any given situation. You should act more professionally in a conference room than at home or with your friends. Don’t change who you are, as entrepreneur Ryan Nicodemus once said “You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you”. The world does not always need to be so serious, we only get one life. If you are having an interview and it is so strict and uptight, remember there is an option to say no.

One of the most important aspects of human life that people do not understand is that you cannot have everything you want. I still don’t really understand. When i don’t get my own way, i will llook around and see who i can blame or attach as justification for why i didn’t get what i wanted. We are always given this fake advice that “You can have anything you put your mind to”. Now i think that is total bullshit for a number of reasons. For one, many things are out of your control when it comes to your life. You must not forget that there are others around you impacting your life every single day. The reason behind why we are on this earth is still discussed today, with many different groups stating what they believe. Whilst i don’t think there is a distinctive reason behind why we are here, i believe that we are here to live collaboratively.

Anyway, what does this have to do with rejection? Well yesterday i found out that i did not get the role of Head Boy. I didn’t realize it would hurt so much to feel rejected. For a while besides relationships, i had not been rejected to that extent before. I kept telling myself that it would be fine if i didn’t get the place, but once i heard it had gone to somebody else, i retreated to my younger self and drowned in my self-pity. I think that all human beings yearn for acceptance and belonging when you are deprived of either one, it can be soul crushing.

The most important advice to give about rejection is it must happen, and you must deal with it. It is alright to cry and to gain the knowledge that somethings in life you cannot control. Today was not your day, but someday it will be.

I have always found it hard to focus on one task at a time. my brain will get bamboozled by all the future tasks that i need to get done. That is why i have found it important to invest in spending time learning how to increase focus in my everyday life.

I have been recently reading Cal Newport’s book “Deep Work” where he depicts how to fully focus on a task without spending hours on it. He speaks of an equation that President Roosevelt used, it said ” Work Accomplished = Time spent . intensity. Basically what it says is that the more focus you put in, isolating your brain to one simple task that you will complete is a much better use of your time. Granted that the equation shows that more hours will lead to a higher amount of work accomplished, but in a much slower time.

The advice here is that to really focus on your work, eliminate all other thoughts and distractions. Focusing on one task at a time will lead to higher levels of success.

Sometimes, if not a lot of the time i feel very overloaded with work and goals i would like to keep up with. Exams are looming in the air and yet i am still playing Clash Royale and complaining that i feel overloaded. Sure, you are allowed to relax and do what you like but come on! I set a schedule for myself every single day yet every now and again i won’t look at it. You are probably thinking, “T why don’t you just get on with the work?”. Illustrated in the book “The Flinch” and “The Procrastination Equation” among many others, the hardest part is starting the task. Once you get over this hurdle it will be much easier to complete the task. Still, this feeling of weight on your shoulders (metaphorically speaking) is hard.

But, look into the life of one of my close friends who we will call “Matt”. Now what he likes to do is play games and watch Netflix and all the fun stuff you would like to do if you had the time. But here is the crazy part, he is still on top of all his work, doesn’t feel overloaded and makes time for his job and friends. From what i can tell, he is extremely happy.

Now what i am not saying is to completely follow Matt’s method of life, i don’t want to be responsible for you falling behind. But what i can say is that we can all take an aspect from Matt’s method. Not everything is as serious as it might be perceived to be, you can make time for everything you would like to do in your life – that includes leisure time.

This is my advice, take a step back from your work, see what is the most important and crack on with it. Start a Pomodoro session if need be. Finally, remember to reward yourself, watch a movie or spend time with family and friends. Be a bit more like Matt and remember to live your life.

(PS, FOR “MATT” – THANK YOU FOR THE INSPIRATION AND PERMISSION TO TALK ABOUT YOU, YOU ARE A GREAT FRIEND)

Hands were sweaty and trembling. My notes were crumpled and i was ecstatic. But, i did it, i did the speech that i had been dreading for a few days now whether or not i would be the next head boy. In my last blog from yesterday i stated how it was important to dig deep on what you find to be holding you back, and i think i found what was holding me.

When i was waiting to give my speech, i noticed that a certain person was in the crowd. We had not spoken in a long time and it dawned on me as i weirdly stared at her that she was the reason behind why i was so scared to speak to an audience. In a study session i practiced for 40 minutes trying to perfect my speech, trying different accents and tones and i became really confident with what i was saying. But this person explained everything. I was not afraid of doing the speech, i was afraid of what she and others like her may think of me.

At school i am a massive extrovert and i love to surround myself with people for entertainment and relaxation, but at home i am extreme introvert and will need to be alone to restore my energy from spending time at school. Call it what you want, multiple personalities, craziness, etc. The point is that i like to have an impact on people, so when i stop communicating with someone, it can be awkward for me to heal that relationship. That is what i was afraid of.

So what have i changed since 4 hours ago? Well i have reconnected with said girl and are now in a healthy friendship. I have also realised that i need to focus on the essentials in life, not to play Pokémon on my laptop or watch Netflix but to communicate, to learn and to love.

Look deep when you are faced with a scary situation, your fears might not be as concrete as you think.

I recently finished the book “Essentialism, the disciplined pursuit of less” by Greg Mckeown. I must say it was an amazing read, for me who has been attached to the idea of minimalism, essential-ism, less-is-more-ism among others, this book had a big impact on me.

Firstly, i always thought of myself as a professional multitask er. I thought being able to do it all to a high ability was a profound achievement, boy was i wrong. This book in its opening lines had already changed that “only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards things that really matter”. I would invest my time into so many things that ultimately led to nothing, the interests that did matter were malnourished and therefore suffered due to this.

Just ask yourself “What could i be doing right now which is the most important thing?”. We are only supposed to have one priority at a time, that is why it is called a priority! Now focusing for me on the most important task at a time is the most efficient tactic i have. I will get much more done and to a higher quality. Note- watching Netflix and revising is not possible!

Eliminate the barriers that are stopping you from reaching your goal (yes that includes switching off your phone), have the courage to say no to tasks that are not important to you, don’t make all problems your problems. Finally, ask yourself that question “What is the most important thing right now in this moment?”, that is the key concept of Essentialism.