tjh3347

Final Year Uni So far…

Hi. So I am currently in my final year of University studying Psychology, and I have a few remarks about how the course has been going over the past three years.
Psychology is like a wasp sting. You get pricked by it, and for a short while (1 year), it is unnoticeable; you cannot feel the sting. Then, it all comes at once, bringing all the misery and pain simultaneously. What I will be writing is quite biased as I do not intend to pursue a career in Psychology, so my views will be quite different.
When coming to University, I would (and still) use the excuse that I chose the topic as a backup option, as it was during the COVID lockdown. I didn’t know how long the pandemic would be, and I was too afraid to relax and do nothing, so I took a gamble. It all stemmed from what I filled my brain with. When I used to watch Smosh, an actor there – Shayne Topp, would talk about psychology and how fascinating it was. Now, as the impressionable, yearning-for-a-male-role-model I am, I wanted to study it so I could inadvertently be like Shayne. It is good to have models, but modelling your career choices will not make you like them. You effectively lie to yourself to tell others that this is who you are when the real you is on the moon in your mind’s world.
1st year was a breeze but incredibly dull. There were many instances when I wanted to drop out, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to be the version of myself that gave up. This nature crept into my personality and daily actions in my final year. To write this blog post, I did not attend a workshop. I signed up to participate because of how accessible all University information is online. The powerpoints and videos are all within my reach on the wide web; why should I attend these workshops? One might argue, “it is the lecturer’s advice on how to do things best for your course”, which I agree with to an extent. The other side of the argument is that these lecturers are paid to be present for a set number of hours per week on campus, meaning they stretch content out for as long as they want, and students have to consume it.
Makes sense? It is what we pay for, after all. But I don’t want to waste my final year here anymore. It is already November; our student house has the Christmas tree up. Time is moving so fast, and I want these three years to mean something.
So, what do I choose them to mean? I want these years to be an example to myself in the future that I do my best and that sometimes my way is better. There’s a song by Frank Sinatra that encapsulates it (My Way).

I’ll keep this updated weekly on how final year is going.
Stay Safe
Tom

No more.

Up until the age of seven, my family was damaged and struggling with having an alcoholic father and a loving, kind mother who was just trying to keep the peace by directing all the verbal abuse onto herself. Then, my sister and I were left oblivious (my sister knew more, she was older) to the foreseeable destruction of my idealistic family in the close future.

This was not just because I was younger, though that played a large contributing part, it was the fundamental actions i would take, subconsciously every day, to avoid the pain that I was experiencing.

This was through playing video games and watching videos on YouTube to pass the time.

After my parents’ divorce, I thought I had moved past all of this, I didn’t develop a necessity to endulge myself in online entertainment to get me through the day, no way! You can probably tell, this was not the case.

I was trapped, and I didn’t realise this was a problem until I was older. It happened in 2021, where I was in my room, watching who-knows-what and it suddenly came to me. I had wasted so much of my life already just watching other people’s success and happiness occur. I would digitally lynch off their happiness, vicariously living through them a life that I didn’t believe I would get to experience. It isn’t to say that now I am successful and wealthy, I am still a University student who works at a supermarket to pay the rent, but my mindset has changed.

I have developed a belief that I am what controls my limits in life. Henry Ford once wrote “The man who thinks he can, and the man who thinks he can’t, are both right” and this quote just resonates with me now. After recovering from COVID; being locked away in my room, I realised I don’t want to live the life of a bum, and have my life be equivalent to a watch history page on YouTube. These pages are so easily deleted, and if my life is equivalent to that, then what am I doing with my time. I want to contribute to something in the world, even if I help someone else achieve their dreams.

I know I can do it, and you know you can do it too, so stop holding yourself back. We can all be better than the people we were yesterday, don’t let things get in the way of that.

Testing positive for COVID

So today I recieved my positive covid result by text after doing a test this morning. i cannot lie, that I feel a bit scared and a bit lonely.

Obviously, with the new isolation rules, my university housemates are able to leave home and can do whatever they please, so long that they are negative. For me, I just have to stay inside for five days and test negative on the sixth.

It is strange, I never thought I would actually get the virus, because of how safe I have been. i always wear my mask and I test every week.

Until I went to the club this week. I was only testing so I could see my Grandfather this week by pcr, so I was surprised to find out I was positive. It explains the tiredness and lack of scent and taste.

Luckily I am surrounded by good people, who would support me even when I am feeling as low as I am now. I feel guilty that i have put a burden on them, but glad they are still able to do what they need to do.

This is when I would say the message of the story, but there is not one. Just be a decent human being and be honest. Right now I may feel grim, but I am grateful to be alive!

Midnight

I am writing this at 1 AM in the morning, on a brisk Saturday morning. It has been almost a year since I have written on this blog, and my what has changed. We have experienced another lockdown/ quarantine, and the world have realised that Downing Street do lots of parties in pandemics. WordPress has missed me so much they initiated the introductory session where they show you their features in order to sell their subscription – I have been writing on here for almost 4 years, I think I understand!

One of my ultimate goals now in my life is to welcome love and always experience honesty, those are the two easiest things we should allow ourselves to do. Instead of cowering behind fibs and turning the way the opportunity of a future with someone, I want to be in this world.

So, right now it is 1:04 AM, the girls in my house have gone out to a party, which I would have joined them on, if not for the fact that A) I am tired and B) I have work in 11 hours. Come to think of it, that is not too bad, maybe i should have – stop. There is an important divide between you regretting and you disregarding your capabilities, especially if it is for the wrong reason. If you are going to have fun, and you feel as though you will be able to walk home afterwards and work for 6 hours straight, then fine. But if it is the opposite, maybe you shouldn’t.

It is now 1:08 in the morning, I am starting to feel about what I am going to do in the morning to prepare myself for the day ahead. I have been lucky enough to incorporate a morning run into my routine, yet if I wake up late, I won’t be able to do this.

Even now, the paragraphs are getting shorter as the night trickles more and more into the pinacol of its grace, making me sleepy.

I will put a proper piece up about what I have been doing this week. I hope all who is listening is ready.

It is now 3AM, my friends have come back from their party, and I have cleaned up the mess.

One of my friends was throwing up due to the overconsumption of alcohol. The thing is, I kept being told that I should go to sleep, but I think the wanting to look after others when they feel rubbish overpowers the need for sleep… This is especially the case when you yourself have not being drinking.

Black Friday

I may be early on the topic of Black Friday; this capitalist, American holiday encouraging people to spend their money on products that have a reduced price; but this is only because I noticed a certain sentence whilst scrolling on a website.

If you don’t know who Martin Lewis is, he specialises in personal finance and economics, producing television shows and websites on how to save you money. I had been browsing his website (www.moneysavingexpert.com) looking for the best place to buy a new computer. As I reached the end of the page explaining the deals, this sentence was written:

“Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the Black Friday hype, and only ever buy what you need and can afford.”

Now, before you click away after realising “wait this is common sense”, allow me to explain.

No matter who you are, everyone has impulses, it is genetic (Bevilacqua & Goldman, 2013). There is nothing quite like finding a good deal for a product, only because our materialistic society has instructed us of its importance. From my experience, it is shocking how easily I can fall into the trap of buying something new because I “believe” I need it or “once I get this, I’ll be happy”.

News flash for the world! Products should not be the source of happiness. One might argue the example of video games being a source of happiness, but I can counteract it with it being the experience of the game itself not the console. There are many ways the statement aforementioned can be dissected, but the main point from it is if you are purchasing a product for the sole reason that it is the only thing that will make you happy is wrong.

From this sentence on this money saving site, I can understand my urges a bit more. The only reason I was looking into getting a new computer was because I thought it would make me happy. I would watch videos on Youtube, saying how “the M1 Macbook Air is the best laptop around and an essential for students”. This would be woven into my consumeristic brain that the laptop will make me a 1st Grade University student, when in actual sense, I just needed to put in the work.

To conclude, it is important to write down, truthfully, why you need to make this purchase. A brief mental note helps as well. It will help stop and control the impulsive behaviours we instinctively all have.

Good luck my friends!

Bevilacqua, L., & Goldman, D. (2013). Genetics of impulsive behaviour. Philosophical Transactions Of The Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 368(1615), 20120380. doi: 10.1098/rstb.2012.0380

The is no one else you should rather be than yourself.

That title? It is the one thing that is helping me understand how I should treat myself, especially since what I have learned in the past few weeks.

Truthfully I have not been honest with you, I have been appearing like a guru in these blog posts, as if I have the key information that will unlock the universe before me, but that is not me, it is a role that I play to appeal to an audience; you.

Recently, I have exhausted myself on trying to act positively for other people; being the perfect version of myself in the situation presented, so whoever else is there will like me. Consequently, I became lost in my sense of self. “If I am all these different people to everyone else, then who am I to me?”. This statement can be interpreted as quite preachy, anyone who would give advice would say “don’t overthink it”. I think I have said this advice before on this blog.

The world isn’t black and white, overthinking is not something you can switch off; it is a habit. These habits, like any, are reinforced and can be constantly present.

What I am saying here is, we all need to stop trying to appeal to others. Though it is expected of us, as we are social creatures, it is also exhausting and fruitless.

The right people will come, but you won’t need to change your entire personality just to have a chance at forming any relationship with them.

I will no longer be lazy

It is easy enough for all of us to fall into, the same pattern of doing exactly what our urges want, which may provide us instant gratification or relaxation (such as social media).

More often than not, I find myself dealing with negativity towards my self worth, self inflicted by my own selfish habits and tendencies (lots of self there!).

This is a short post to affirm that however long it takes, I will change this preference to be lazy to doing something beneficial for my health. I will keep you updated on what I accomplish.

If you would like to follow along, let me know!

Birthday reflection

Yesterday was my birthday, and I wanted to share some things that I will be taking with me into the future.

1: Stop trying to be friendly to everyone

I think this will be something that lots of people can relate to; we are all too “vanilla” to others. This is usually to avoid confrontation, so instead of discussing a possible disagreement, we keep our opinions to ourselves. There is a problem which is created here, everyone begins to believe their opinion is right and everyone else is wrong. If no one will disagree, and everyone surrounding you are “yes-menning”, then your ego will increase, which can be dangerous especially when you have no idea what you are talking about.

Also, something I have learned, actually through my boss, is trying to be nice to everyone, besides the people that truly matter, is pointless. There is the golden rule taught throughout all studies of Christianity “treat others how you wish to be treated”. By that logic, I began to ask myself, do I really want everyone to treat me as their friend? No, that would be overwhelmingly stressful!

Working in a customer serving environment, it is important to be nice to customers (obviously) but you do not have to go the extra mile every time. Only a small amount of people will reciprocate with gratitude; they are the people who matter.

So to sum this up, stop being so nice to everyone, they are not all worth your time. Understand who is truly important in your life, they are who you should focus on.

Remember, nobody likes a yes-man, be honest with people, it is one of the ways to filter down towards those who are important.

2) Instant gratification and too much relaxation is affecting your brain, stop it.

After coming back from work, the habitual process of sitting down and doing nothing is a redundancy, a waste of time. Spending your time more wisely will increase your capacity to do more things at a higher standard than others. Over this beginning of self development, YouTube has become something associated with procrastination, it is true, all of social media is!

Put your mind to projects, that lead to results, that is the only way to grow.

3) Stop giving a shit about things (overthinking)

The day is done, the year is done, you don’t need to be worrying about something you have already done, you cannot change it, it is a part of your origin, your life. Don’t overthink unnecessarily, just do.

4) You don’t need to portray a story to everyone

Keep some things to yourself, simplify your life as it won’t do you any good having lots of people knowing your life story, especially if you’re not making money.

5) Believe in yourself

Recognize your worth, you are amazing!

Anyway happy birthday me for yesterday, have a great day y’all

How to be more intentional with your time.

Plan: Intro, the issue, what i will do, 1 plan your day, 2 have an accountability partner, 3 be disciplined, realize when it is okay to relax

As you have all seen throughout the duration of this blog’s life, I like to use my platform as reminders to myself and others on how to be better. Today’s task is centered around improving your intentions.

The usual routine of an adult’s day is to: wake up, shower, maybe walk the dogs and have breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner , watch tv and go to bed. This seems pretty standard, but at least for me, I have the feeling that this time where I am not doing anything could be used more practically for pursuing my interests.

A power that social media has upon individuals is the ability to nullify passion and drive. Mindlessly scrolling on a screen is like a dementor; it sucks the life out of you to the point where you forget your own meaning other than to endlessly scroll.

You basically become robotic, consuming media and applying it to the only area of your mind which is accessible, your insecurities. The horrific thing is, our automatic, habitual tendency to pull out our phone is becoming our downfall for this bad behaviour, which ultimately we inflict on ourselves.

One solution to begin to make your time intentional is to delete the applications which can suck your time up. This makes them impossible to access without redownloading it, and according to the 20 second rule, if you’re really disciplined, you are unlikely to follow through.

Alternatively, if you can’t just delete the apps, you can always use screen restrictions, such as Apple’s Screen time rules or Android’s Digital Wellbeing. Unlike the redownloading, the only obstacle between you and the app is a passcode which unlocks the app, though with Apple focusing on containing this, it is unlikely to remain this easy.

Having an extra pair of hands can help stimulate better intentionality in your life. For example, I let my mum know what I am getting up to, just so I am more likely to stay focused and determined if someone is reminding me what I should be doing.

Finally, you may think you have to be extremely disciplined, the reality is if you plan your day, not down to the specifics (like 20:30- 20:34 dinner) then you are still likely to be disciplined enough to do what you need to do. Setting boundaries on technology and having someone look out for you are key, resulting in a disciplined personality trait developing. That is how to be more intentional.

Thank you for reading!

How to change your mindset

Over the past few days, I began to consolidate with myself, almost like a pep talk, on how we are going in our life, where we can improve, and what may be causing us issues. One of the areas that I was struggling with was that I was constantly tired. At first I thought it was because of what I was eating, though I remembered that my family doesn’t consume the same heavy amount of carbohydrates as we use to, but still a substantial amount.

This tiredness puzzled me for a few days, but after a while I realised what the problem was.

I had been associating my entire life as a chore, work that I had to complete in order to call my day a success. I would go to work, do the best I can, then come home and perhaps do some baking for the next day ( I get to bake brownies!) and then head to bed.

In addition to all of this, most nights I would spend up in my room, doing nothing but browsing and keeping my phone on silent. I thought I would benefit from the silence; after being around people all day, I thought this was right. Soon did I realise the importance of staying in touch with friends and family, they are your support line at the end of the day.

This period of total nothingness would eat me up inside. The constant idea that “I should be doing something, but I don’t know what it is!” was playing on loop in my head. When I do nothing in a day, I get very self conscious and angry with myself; calling myself a failure.

Once I had summed up all of this, I identified how tired I actually was. Being constantly glued to a phone, computer and work, never let my brain rest. Moreover, all opportunities being presented to me were turned down, I wanted my time.

One of the first changes I made was accepting that some things you “have to” do in life are actually what you “get to” do instead. As I am in the process of this now, one of the other solutions is to have a good sleep schedule, and try to make the environment comfortable enough for sleeping (ironic how tired I am writing this bit).

I want to keep this as brief as I could. Please take a break if you are tired. Humans are not evoled enough to make working at a supermarket a necessary and habitual need for survival.

So the main cookie of advice I will give you is to stop working as hard, and start living healther, through what I displayed earlier.