Hands were sweaty and trembling. My notes were crumpled and i was ecstatic. But, i did it, i did the speech that i had been dreading for a few days now whether or not i would be the next head boy. In my last blog from yesterday i stated how it was important to dig deep on what you find to be holding you back, and i think i found what was holding me.
When i was waiting to give my speech, i noticed that a certain person was in the crowd. We had not spoken in a long time and it dawned on me as i weirdly stared at her that she was the reason behind why i was so scared to speak to an audience. In a study session i practiced for 40 minutes trying to perfect my speech, trying different accents and tones and i became really confident with what i was saying. But this person explained everything. I was not afraid of doing the speech, i was afraid of what she and others like her may think of me.
At school i am a massive extrovert and i love to surround myself with people for entertainment and relaxation, but at home i am extreme introvert and will need to be alone to restore my energy from spending time at school. Call it what you want, multiple personalities, craziness, etc. The point is that i like to have an impact on people, so when i stop communicating with someone, it can be awkward for me to heal that relationship. That is what i was afraid of.
So what have i changed since 4 hours ago? Well i have reconnected with said girl and are now in a healthy friendship. I have also realised that i need to focus on the essentials in life, not to play Pokémon on my laptop or watch Netflix but to communicate, to learn and to love.
Look deep when you are faced with a scary situation, your fears might not be as concrete as you think.
From My View 