YouTube detox

A month on from my last detox, that did not go that well in all honesty. My addiction to the internet, especially YouTube, has began to spike again. I find myself watching endless streams of videos, constantly refreshing my recommended tab; waiting for the next piece to catch my eye.

This has affected my health in ways that I did not know it could. I find that my screen time has increased by a large margin. Though I watch Anime on Crunchyroll, it is not as frequent as the Google site. I am now well aware of my existence, and how I am wasting it, consuming the success of others. I keep telling myself: I am better than this, I can do more. But I am always so hesitant to do so. It is like I need to go on there to be happy.

That isn’t right, I need to find true happiness within myself, not through objects. So, for the next 30 days, YouTube is off the table. I cannot go onto it for any necessary reasons.

It is time to see how strong my self control is.

Being Truthful

I think one of the best qualities human beings have, is the ability to tell the truth (You probably could have guessed that from the title) . This ability is highly underrated, the human conscience has this power, that no other species has; truth.

I found that i am the happiest when i tell the truth. There is nothing worse than lying to someone you care about; or anyone for the matter. Lying creates a false image of one’s self, perplexing another’s belief about you. One of the worst lies i have ever told myself was always to do with relationships. Saying statements such as ” i have a girlfriend, she just goes to my climbing school”. Call it manipulative, but if anyone came close to discovering the truth, i would panic, and create a scenario where: we suddenly broke up!

The last lie before i called it quits was about a girl who lived on my street. Someone had called me gay a few days before. Although i am hetrosexual, my sister used to call me this when i was younger constantly, making me insecure and worried about my personality and appearance, hence i began to identify it as an insult. Due to this, i changed my voice and personality to make myself more masculine. I was ashamed in myself. I would watch ” How to be a proper Man” videos on YouTube, so i could learn what it means to be one. I thought i always had to be dating someone, so i would make fake relationships with people. This was the peak of my insecurities in my life.

I thought this would make me happy, it didn’t and it made people view me as a man who dated loads of girls, but couldn’t keep a stable relationship. The truth is, i haven’t been in a proper relationship ever. I have briefly dated girls in the past, and i am talking to one girl at the moment, but nothing proper.

I spent so long searching what it meant to be a man, when what a real man does is tell the truth.

I would lie because i was scared. I told my friends that my biological father was dead because i was ashamed of his alcoholism.

My advice to everyone reading, stop telling lies. It doesn’t improve your image, it backfires on you eventually. Also, be weary what you call your friends, some phrases could make them more insecure than they let on.

Just think before you act.