A month on from my last detox, that did not go that well in all honesty. My addiction to the internet, especially YouTube, has began to spike again. I find myself watching endless streams of videos, constantly refreshing my recommended tab; waiting for the next piece to catch my eye.
This has affected my health in ways that I did not know it could. I find that my screen time has increased by a large margin. Though I watch Anime on Crunchyroll, it is not as frequent as the Google site. I am now well aware of my existence, and how I am wasting it, consuming the success of others. I keep telling myself: I am better than this, I can do more. But I am always so hesitant to do so. It is like I need to go on there to be happy.
That isn’t right, I need to find true happiness within myself, not through objects. So, for the next 30 days, YouTube is off the table. I cannot go onto it for any necessary reasons.
It is time to see how strong my self control is.
I am writing this whilst I listen to the Gary Vee experience on my phone. Just thought I would give it a shoutout, because it is a very good podcast.
Hesitation, this is something we all have to deal with. It is the back of your brain which activates when you undertake an action, which you may not usually do. It is the feeling of “nnaech” if you can imagine; in your head. It is the feeling of uncomfortableness.
This topic has cropped up in my mind recently as I have began speaking to new people. Going to university is something I am nervous about; what I am going to do and who I am going to meet. SO, I have started speaking to new people, to close the gap of my nerves.
There is this one person that I really enjoy talking with. But, I cannot fully enjoy this to the amount I intend to because I am nervous. I am nervous that the way I live ( which has been structured throughout my life) is going to be unpredictable. Getting close, In a relationship scenario is unpredictable; and it is beautiful. Certainty is what I have subjected myself to, for the past 17 years.
Conversely, I am excited for this new experience. Indulging in a new type of life is choosing more off the menu of life. I have never let myself try to do new things, by doing this, my life will change, and that is okay.
So, what advice do I give to myself and everyone reading this? When you get the hestistation feeling; in the back of your head, and you feel the urge to stay way you are. Embrace the feeling, this is what you should be doing. Whatever gives you the twitch, is the next step to get the life you want.
Keep picking off the menu of life, the price does not matter. Only then will you get the best desert.